Top MILFS I would fuck in the vagina, bumholio, and mouth
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Posted:Jan 22, 2016 5:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2017 10:22 am
3048 Views
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Alessandra Ambrosio
Ali Landry
Brooke Burke
Denise Richards
Gisele Bündchen
Heidi Klum
January Jones
Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Jessica Alba
Kate Beckinsale
Kate Middleton
Megan Fox
Monica Bellucci
Olivia Wilde
Penelope Cruz
Salma Hayek.......
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My resume and sex cheat sheet
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Posted:May 18, 2015 1:19 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2015 1:36 pm
4389 Views
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Just a sample of my work in progress!
Resume: Communication Skills
Writes clearly and concisely
Speaks effectively
Listens attentively
Sex
Sucks constantly and orally
Licks efficiently
Hears periodically
Resume: Organizational Skills
Coordinates tasks
Sets goals
Meets deadlines
Multi-tasks
Sex
Wears a cap and eats out
Gets goals
Eats out until tongue falls off
Multi-tasks
Resume: Management Skills
Leads groups
Teaches/trains/instructs
Delegates responsibility
Sex
No second place finishes
Makes videos
Manages fingers and tongue
Resume: Interpersonal Skills
Works well with others
Shares credit
Motivates others
Sex
Eats well and orally
Takes credit
Represents others
Resume: Research and Planning Skills
Meets goals
Gathers information
Solves problems
Sex
Eats puffy clits
Spanks information
Creates solutions
Resume and Sex Action words:
Coaches, directs, orders, negotiates, influences, examines, generates, illustrates, improves, motivates, invents, resolves, trains, recruits, upgrades
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Chinese Sick Leave
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Posted:May 16, 2015 6:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2015 8:56 pm
4431 Views
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Ho Chow calls into work and say, “Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.”
The boss says, “You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon…You got nice house.”
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Females Athletes: bunns and breasts
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Posted:May 15, 2015 11:59 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2015 1:07 pm
4670 Views
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Bustiest athletes
1. Simona Halep (Tennis): before and after breast reduction
2. Latasha Marzolla (MMA)
3. Natalie Gulbis (Golf)
4. Jennifer Tilly (Poker)
5. Anna Semenovich (Ice Skating)
6. Vojislava Lukic (Tennis)
7. Torrie Wilson (Wrestler)
8. Bianca Cruz (Softball)
9. Allison Stokke (Pole Vaulting)
10. Trish Stratus (Wrestling)
Best Bunns
1. Gabrielle Reece (volleyball)
2. Sydney Leroux (soccer)
3. Snezana Rodic (Slovenian triple jumper)
4. Stacy Keibler (wrestler)
5. Leryn Franco (javelin)
6. Jacqueline Carvalho (volleyball)
7. Danika Patrick (driver)
8. Maria Sharapova (tennis)
9. Alana Blanchard (pro surfer)
10. Angela Rypien (lingerie football)
Some honorable mentions for either:
Larissa Reis
Laisa Andrioli
Miesha Tate
Anastasia Ashely
Alex Morgan
Elena Bikar
Any suggestions, comments....
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Creative Insults
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Posted:May 12, 2015 1:55 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2015 6:19 pm
4370 Views
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A good insult can be a work of art. A bad one can make you cringe. Either way, here are some that you may use in your daily dealings, highlighted because of their creativity.
1. I hope your favorite book is turned into a movie and none of the characters are anything like you imagined.
2. Your mama’s so unfamiliar with the gym she calls it James.
3. Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
4. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump down to your IQ.
5. During any intellectual discussion, when they make a statement respond with a sincere sounding, “That’s sweet.”
6. I hope your day is as lovely as you are.
7. If you wanted my comeback, you could just wipe it off your mom’s face.
8. You are the human equivalent of Internet Explorer.
9. I’ll have you know I stood up for you today, they were saying you loved eating shit sandwiches and I told them that I happen to know for a fact that you don’t eat bread.
10. You’re ugly and you can’t read good.
11. I hope you have seven daughters and only one toilet.
12. You’re not being the person Mr. Rogers believed you could be.
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My favourite animal
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Posted:May 10, 2015 4:04 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2015 7:16 pm
4587 Views
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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where the fuck I am now...
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What you need to know about B ( . ) ( . ) BS
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Posted:May 9, 2015 7:46 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2015 2:05 pm
4543 Views
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Nipples classifications: normal, flat, puffy, short, long, inverted grade 1, inverted grade 2, inverted grade 3
• There are approximately 280,000 breast enhancements per year
• Average cup size: 34DD
• Smallest cup size: AAA
• Largest cup size: L
• 85% of women wearing the wrong bra size
• 70% of women unhappy with their boob size
• 82% of women enjoy their boobs grabbed during intimacy
• 30% of women who orgasm having their nipples stimulated
• Both boobs are rarely the same size, one is 1/5 smaller than the other
• How far can boobs travel when a girl is working out…upto 8 inches
• What type of men prefer large breasts?
Men with less financial security,
men who want , and hungry men.
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Best relationship advice, ever…ever…ever
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Posted:May 9, 2015 11:34 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2015 7:16 pm
4636 Views
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1. When you’re going out with your friends and you expect to be back around 11 tell her you’ll be back around 12. So when you roll in the door at 11 you can claim you left early to see her before you both went to bed.
2. The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control.
3. Marry/date someone with a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.
4. Put a pillow under her hips.
5. If you are debating between two girls, jerk off and go for the first one you think of immediately afterwards.
6. A relationship is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
7. Make sure you masturbate b4 talking with an ex.
8. Confidence isn’t, “I know she likes me.” Confidence is, “I’ll be okay whether she likes me or not.”
9. My dad gave me one bit of advice when I got my first girlfriend. “She might pretend she doesn’t want dessert. She does really. Order a serving for yourself, get two forks, and let her eat it. Desserts are for girls anyway.”
10. Don’t take relationship advice from strangers on the Internet.
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How to get out of a traffic ticket
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Posted:Apr 29, 2015 5:12 am
Last Updated:May 31, 2015 8:40 pm
5014 Views
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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. Police quickly surrounded the car, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
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The Embroidered Couch
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Posted:Apr 11, 2015 12:55 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2015 8:03 pm
5319 Views
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Yao-Zhao the two pricks are as crazy
as Ma-Jin the pair of licentious pussies.
Axiu and Saihong both part company,
To the end remains only Little Pretty.
The pig and mules are their reincarnation,
Retribution does indeed have its regulation.
No family, sons, suffering ne'er ceasing,
What a taste of this endless condemnation!
--to the tune of The Moon on the Western River
The first English translation of an erotic novel published in China in the 17th century, attributed to Lu Tiancheng (born 1580), a well-known playwright of the Ming dynasty.
Regarded as a notorious classic in Chinese literature, it has been long banned in China, and never been available in English until now; shockingly explicit even by today's standards, it depicts the travails of a romantic scholar named Easterngate, who encourages and is aroused by a relationship that unfolds between Jin, his pretty and demure wife, and Dali, his compadre and occasional sex partner.
The story that ensues is one of betrayal, lust, revenge, and intrigue, played out against the extraordinary backdrop of 17th century China.
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Let's go for a ride (shorter version)
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Posted:Apr 10, 2015 1:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2015 8:56 pm
5622 Views
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One day her lover takes O for a walk, but this time in a part of the city--a park---where they've never been before. After they've strolled awhile along the paths and then moved on toward the edge of the park, at an intersection, they see a car, at that corner, that looks like a taxi...
"Get in," he says.
She gets in. It's late in the afternoon, it's autumn, and she is wearing what she always wears: high heels, a suit with a pleated skirt, a silk blouse and no hat. But she has on a long jacket and her leather handbag.
The taxi drives away, very slowly; the man next to her has not said a word to the driver. Thinking that he is about to kiss her, or that he wants her to caress him, she leans closer. Instead, he says: "Let me take your bag, it's in your way."
She gives it to him, he puts it beyond her reach, then adds:
"You have too much clothing on, take off your skirt and panties," It isn't easy in the car, which is going faster now, and she's afraid the driver might turn around. But she finally manages anyhow; it's a strange, uncomfortable feeling, the contact of her naked and free legs, sliding back and forth.
He takes the skirt and panties from her and puts them inside the bag.
The seat is fake leather, slick and cold, it's a very strange feeling, the way it sticks and clings to her thighs.
The taxi is moving right along, and she doesn't dare ask why Rene is so quiet, so still, or what all this means to him, having her there so motionless and silent, so naked and so vulnerable, in a black car going God knows where. He hasn't told her to do anything, and yet, on the other hand, he hasn't forbidden her to do anything; she rests her hands on the seat, pushing down; bracing herself.
"Here we are," he says all of a sudden. The taxi comes to a stop on a lovely avenue--in front of a small mansion, you could just see it, nestled between the courtyard and garden, the way mansions are. There's no streetlight nearby, it is dark inside the taxi. Outside rain is falling.
"Don't move," Rene says. "Don't move."
He extends his hand toward the neck of her blouse, then unbuttons the buttons. She leans forward ever so slightly, believing he is about to caress her breasts. But no. He's got a small penknife out, he's only groping for the shoulder straps of her bra, which he cuts. Then he removes the bra. He has closed her blouse again and now, underneath, her breasts are free and naked, like her belly and thighs are naked and free, like the rest of her, from waist to knee.
"Listen," he says. "You're ready. Here is where I leave you. You're going to get out, go to the door and ring the bell. Someone will open the door; whoever it is, do as you're told. Do it right away and willingly, or else they'll make you. If you don't obey at once, they'll make you. No, you don't need your bag anymore. You don't need anything, you're just the girl I'm furnishing. Yes, certainly, I'll be there. Now go."
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Lets go for a ride!
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Posted:Mar 26, 2015 8:53 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2015 8:13 pm
6018 Views
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One day her lover takes O for a walk, but this time in a part of the city--the Parc Montsouris, the Parc Monceau--where they've never been before. After they've strolled awhile along the paths, after they've sat down together side by side on a bench near the grass, and then moved on toward the edge of the park, at an intersection where in the past there never used to be any taxi stand, they see a car, at that corner, that looks like a taxi, for it has a meter.
"Get in," he says.
She gets in. It's late in the afternoon, it's autumn, and she is wearing what she always wears: high heels, a suit with a pleated skirt, a silk blouse and no hat. But she has on long gloves reaching up to the sleeves of her jacket, and in her leather handbag she's got her papers, her compact and lipstick.
The taxi drives away, very slowly; the man next to her has not said a word to the driver. But on the right, and the left, he pulls down the window shades, and the one on the back window, too. Thinking that he is about to kiss her, or that he wants her to caress him, she has slipped off her gloves. Instead, he says: "Let me take your bag, it's in your way."
She gives it to him, he puts it beyond her reach, then adds:
"You have too much clothing on. Unhook your stockings, roll them down to above your knees," and he gives her some garters to hold the stockings in place. It isn't easy in the car, which is going faster now, and she's afraid the driver might turn around. But she finally manages anyhow; it's a strange, uncomfortable feeling, the contact of the silk of her slip on her naked and free legs, and the loose garters sliding back and forth across her skin.
"Undo your garterbelt," he says,"and take off your panties."
There's nothing to that; all she has to do is reach the hook and raise a little in the back. He takes the garterbelt from her, takes the panties, opens her bag, puts them inside; then he says:
"You're not to sit on your slip or your skirt. Pull them up and sit right on the seat. The seat is fake leather, slick and cold, it's a very strange feeling, the way it sticks and clings to her thighs. Then he says:
"Now put your gloves back on."
The taxi is moving right along, and she doesn't dare ask why Rene is so quiet, so still, or what all this means to him, having her there so motionless and silent, so naked and so vulnerable, though so thoroughly gloved, in a black car going God knows where. He hasn't told her to do anything, and yet, on the other hand, he hasn't forbidden her to do anything; but she doesn't dare cross her legs or sit with them pressed together. She rests her gloved hands on the seat, pushing down; bracing herself.
"Here we are," he says all of a sudden. The taxi comes to a stop on a lovely avenue, under a tree--they are plain trees--in front of a small mansion, you could just see it, nestled between the courtyard and garden, the way Fauborg Saint-Germain mansions are. There's no streetlight nearby, it is dark inside the taxi. Outside rain is falling.
"Don't move," Rene says. "Don't move."
He extends his hand toward the neck of her blouse, unties the bow at the throat, then unbuttons the buttons. She leans forward ever so slightly, believing he is about to caress her breasts. But no. He's got a small penknife out, he's only groping for the shoulder straps of her brassiere, which he cuts. Then he removes the brassiere. He has closed her blouse again and now, underneath, her breasts are free and naked, like her belly and thighs are naked and free, like the rest of her, from waist to knee.
"Listen," he says. "You're ready. Here is where I leave you. You're going to get out, go to the door and ring the bell. Someone will open the door; whoever it is, do as you're told. Do it right away and willingly, or else they'll make you. If you don't obey at once, they'll make you. No, you don't need your bag anymore. You don't need anything, you're just the girl I'm furnishing. Yes, certainly, I'll be there. Now go."
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Where am I?
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Posted:Mar 25, 2015 6:28 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2015 7:18 pm
5744 Views
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He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me to a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door, and we were alone. He approached me silently from behind, and spoke in a reassuring voice close to my ear "just relax."
Without warning he reached down, and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.
I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was racing, as he caressed my abdomen, my ribcage...
And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.
Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine, into my panties.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man I thought...a man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say...
"ok ma'am you can board your flight now."
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To link to this blog (big_knob_rob69) use [blog big_knob_rob69] in your messages.
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