Meeting people  

dabrown33 44M
117 posts
3/15/2019 4:30 pm
Meeting people

I keep being told I should go and meet people. Of course they never say WHERE i should go to try to meet people, just that I should.

I asked around a few people that are married (being that I don't know too many non-married couples) on how they met, because I really don't know how people actually do that. Probably a psychological issue on my part, but I learn from observation and mimicry, not by independently trying to do something I've never done.

First was my parents- they met at work. My Mom had given up on dating coworkers but then my dad asked her to go skiing and they were married within a year.

One set of grandparents were set up by friends. My grandfather was exactly NOT what my grandma wanted- he drank, smoked, caroused, cussed, rode motorcycles... but he was employed, which was better than the abusive family dynamic my grandmother had (alcoholic stepfather, brothers that treated her as their personal maid) so it wasn't a wonder that she got married at and dropped of . Something must have worked, they were married 64 years.

One of my friends was introduced to his current bride by his former in law (!!). Another met while on ski patrol. I've known a couple "online matchmaking" couples, though one of them didn't last long. But lots more met through work. That seemed to be the most common.

A fair of "friends introducing friends" setups let to longer-term relationships, too. Not too many sweethearts lasted long- quite a few divorces there. A handful of "oh my God pregnant" resulted in weddings, though many of those also didn't work (and it doesn't reveal how they met, only why they got hitched so quickly).

The common thing here, though, is that is all long-term, mostly married couples. People don't talk about the one time dates (whether that be hookups or just dates that didn't work out). I have one friend who tends to brag about some of his conquests- particularly running through his ex-fiancee's best friends after they broke up. He's an emotional manipulator that used his sob story about how his fiancee cheated on him with her boss to get laid.

But me... I've always thought work was a bad place to try and find someone. Maybe it's the constant sexual harassment training I've received since I was a teenager, about not mixing work and dating, unwanted advances, and keeping the workplace professional. It also doesn't help that there have rarely been any women in my age (gen X) anywhere I worked, or if there were they were already married and/or seeing other women. Back when I was a mechanic, the women in the shop were almost always into other women.

I don't go to bars or clubs- for one I don't drink, and I can't stand "dance" music. I'd much rather go on a short hike, a museum, or a road trip rather than "dinner and a movie". I've said that in most of the messages I've sent but the response has always been the same- absolutely nothing. No matter what the site I was using.

So I continue to wonder.

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dabrown33 44M
536 posts
3/15/2019 4:31 pm

Obligatory bump post. Wow, it's been over a month since I last posted. I've started so many posts since then and abandoned them.

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2Saltie2 62F  
953 posts
3/15/2019 7:57 pm

Kindness is crap? You can meet women anywhere they are.

Love all animals. Tolerates humans.

dabrown33 replies on 3/15/2019 10:59 pm:
Was the question directed at me or the other poster? I certainly don't think kindness is crap.

As for meeting women where they are, I really only run into women when they're at work, and it's my impression they'd rather do their jobs than get hit on. Out at the park where I have tried to take my weekly walks (which I really need to get back to doing) there was a recent string of attacks on women, so that'd be a bad idea too.

I figure I'll just be the old lonely guy eating alone at Denny's, except I'm too cheap to go to Denny's.

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