They Call Me...The Professor
 
All about me and my incredibly hot adventures in Las Vegas and points North, South, East and West. What exotic dancer or supermodel am I hanging out with tonight? Read on, MacDuff!
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Then Again
Posted:Sep 16, 2019 8:58 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:27 pm
77 Views

She called me, so there's that.

I suppose sooner or later she'll need something else and she'll call again.
0 Comments
Postpartum
Posted:Sep 16, 2019 8:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:27 pm
77 Views

I must have been in a state of shock or something for a day or two because I wasn't really feeling much of anything, but I suppose that passed because now I can't stop compulsively singing "Always Something There to Remind Me."
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And Your Random Movie Quote of the Day Is...
Posted:Sep 15, 2019 7:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2019 2:59 pm
105 Views

"I'll give you something shove up that nose of yours!"
Nocturne (1946)

Runner-up - A dance instructor to George Raft: "You'll never get a diploma that way."
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America's Favorite New Game Show
Posted:Sep 15, 2019 7:47 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2019 7:52 am
105 Views

This week gave me many opportunities to play my favorite game, What's The Professor's Real Age? The at the computer shop even guessed late thirties/early forties, but he couldn't have been out of his early twenties at best, the baby. That's probably why I was able to date that 21-year-old (give or take a year) dancer in Vegas: she indicated she thought I was still in my Forties. I never had the heart to disillusion her. (On the other hand, a 61-year-old cocktail waitress pegged me at 65. You go straight hell, lady.)

I told my dad, "The lady at Family Dollar guessed I was 45 and prematurely grey."

"You're maturely grey," he countered.
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Nobody Can Say That About You While *I'm* Around!
Posted:Sep 14, 2019 11:38 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:27 pm
115 Views
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School Daze
Posted:Sep 14, 2019 11:33 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 11:47 am
116 Views

I never appreciated how attractive I apparently was in high school. Someone once told me I looked like John Davidson but sounded like Ted Baxter.

I was walking with a classmate from the bus stop and she told me she thought I was handsome. Instead of saying something like, "Well, you're beautiful. What are a couple of gorgeous like us supposed to do?" I said, "Nah, my brother's the good-looking one."

What a putz.
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Suddenly The Most Available Man on the Gulf Coast
Posted:Sep 14, 2019 8:19 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:27 pm
120 Views

Wow, I seem to have successfully disentangled myself from three distractions in just about that many days.

Of course I think I was in love with one of them, so there's that.
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Abandoned: One Hospital, One Woman
Posted:Sep 12, 2019 8:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2019 8:38 am
175 Views

I kept pushing my friend to go the ER for three days because she had a raging strep infection, but she kept putting it off. Every time I went over to drive her there, she'd changed her mind and wanted to do something else instead and go to the ER next time.

I managed to get the car for Wednesday morning but she had lost her phone the day before, so I kept trying to reach her through her worthless roommate, calling, leaving voicemails, sending texts, Facebooking, but since her worthless roommate apparently sleeps the day away regardless of any bells and alarms ringing, it wasn't until I was headed over there to see what was going on before she finally answered her phone and told me her family had shown up and driven her to USA Health.

Because Verizon 411 are morons, and because once I got to USA Health I found it was closed for demolition and the ER had been relocated to another hospital, a kindly security guard who was getting off work let me follow him to the new location.

And there she was. Her family had ditched her. They had abandoned her to sleep across three seats in the ER waiting room, in her PJs, wrapped in a flimsy little blanket with no shoes on her feet, just some woolen socks.

Eventually she woke up and asked if I'd go get her some Excedrin Migraine and some smokes.

I dashed off and found a Greer's which had nothing but cheap no-name painkillers, so I sprinted down to the Family Dollar at the opposite end of the strip mall where I eventually found they had Excedrin Migraine but only behind the counter. I made it back with seconds to spare before she was called in to be examined.

She asked me to wait outside in the little ER waiting room. From what I could make out, they put an IV in her for a little while (assuming they could find a vein), they may have asked if she wanted to be admitted to the hospital but if so she declined, they gave her a shot of penicillin and sent her home. I drove.

And that was that. I'd promised if she went into the ER I'd be there for her, and I was.
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Out of Touch
Posted:Sep 12, 2019 8:28 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2019 8:18 am
209 Views

She gave me a funny look when I showed up. "I've been trying to call you," she said.

"Huh," I replied. But later, as I was driving home, I realized I couldn't find my phone in my front jeans pocket. Or anywhere else I looked.

I drove back and asked her: "So you tried calling me?"

"Yeah."

"And there was no answer?"

"Uh...Yeah."

"I must have left the phone at home." I smacked my head so hard I hurt myself and ran home.

But I couldn't find the phone anywhere. I tried calling it from the house phone throughout the house and in the car and didn't hear anything.

I even drove back to everywhere I'd been that night in case it fell out of the car when I got out, because I have a bad habit of holding the phone in my hand (and hence, oft leaving it somewhere) or resting it in my lap as I drive so I don't miss hearing an expected call or text come in.

But nada.

So I decided I'd better call everyone I'd been calling or texting that evening and let them know they needed to reach me at my home number. I was pulling out my wallet to retrieve some scraps of paper with written on them when I discovered I'd managed to stick the phone in my back pocket with my wallet. I'd apparently kept bumping against the little button on the side of the phone that turns the ring volume down until I'd silenced it completely.

I Butt-Muted My Phone.
2 Comments
Dead End
Posted:Sep 10, 2019 10:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:27 pm
218 Views

I've just been going through the motions for weeks really, and she seems to be actively avoiding me now, as if she wonders why I haven't taken the hint by now.

It would be simpler if people just weren't too polite to say no in the first place.

I should have left it at delightful banter with a charmingly sarcastic cocktail waitress, which I suppose we will never have again, unless I am just totally chill about it all for the next however long it is.
0 Comments
Yes, We Have No Montpelier
Posted:Sep 10, 2019 10:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2019 10:11 pm
218 Views

So, I was sitting at my table at Aztecas, waiting for my date to arrive (it could happen, dammit) and as she'd asked I ordered a dirty martini. My waitress came back and said they couldn't make a dirty martini because they were out of the ingredients.

"Which one?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," she said, "because he has a really thick accent. Let me go ask him again."

She returned.

"We're out of Vermont," she announced.
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Hand Blown Away
Posted:Sep 10, 2019 4:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:28 pm
237 Views

The gentleman's club down the way has a claw machine, one of those games where you struggle, fruitlessly more often than not, to pick up some item of value and maneuever it into the chute without dropping it. My favorite dancer is apparently somewhat adept at this game, having previously acquired a life-size blow-up doll. I suggested she bring him over to the pool and use him as a floatie.

On this most recent occasion, she had her heart seat on a glass "massager" called the Icicle.

"It's hand-blown!" she enthused.

"Hand Blown?" I replied. "How is that even possible?"

Against my better judgment, I agreed to let her have the grand sum of one entire dollar for two tries, and on the second try she dropped it into the chute, accompanied by much joyous squealing.

"I don't think I've ever made a woman this happy or excited," I said.

"What did you get?" our cocktail waitress asked as she walked up.

"This massager!" she exclaimed.

"That's a vibrator," our waitress said.

"It's a massager," I insisted. "She has a kink in her neck. Probably other places, too."

"You know what that retails for?" another dancer told her. "About 75 bucks."

"I do love a bargain," I admitted.

"Thank you so much!" my favorite dancer told me.

"Well," I replied, "whenever you use it, think of me."
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Trick...or Treat?
Posted:Sep 8, 2019 12:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2019 2:28 pm
285 Views

I bought a corset at the thrift store.

"It's for Halloween," I explained to the cashier. "IT'S A PRESENT! For Halloween. For somebody else."

She shrugged it off.

"I thought you just needed to tighten your waist."
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