The Dossier of Agent J
 
These are the not-so secret files of Agent J.
He is a terrible super spy, but he's a really good guy! So stop by and read these musings he posts. They are hilarious!
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Leave me a private message...
Posted:Feb 2, 2009 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2018 12:17 pm
34794 Views

For those wanting to talk to me...

I am inviting anyone who wants to stay in contact with me to leave your private messages here. Just post them here. I will not post them or approve them so that you will not have to worry about others seeing them but you can leave your info or private messages here.


Thanks,

Agent J
0 Comments , 3 Pending
The passage of time
Posted:Feb 9, 2019 6:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2019 10:23 am
290 Views

One of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with happened last week. I do not even know how to go about saying this, so I'm just going to say it.

This past Monday, my mom got in new test results. She has stage 4 lymphatic and colon cancer. It's inoperable and...it is terminal. At best, she might have little more than a year left to live. It might be more depending on if the chemo treatments can curb the growth of the cancer. And it's possible to use a new technique called laser proton therapy which targets the cancer directly to help slow down the cancer, giving her more time. But in the end, she will die of cancer.

Originally I got the call from my dad in the middle of the day, when he told me over the phone. He asked me to pretend that when my mom told me to act surprised. However, when he told me, it felt like someone hit me in the gut with a large brick. After I got off the phone with him, one of the blessing of my work is I work alone in a data center. I found a corner of the data center that was the most private, and I cried and I sobbed in pain.

Even today, I still have part of me that doesn't want to accept it, although I know it's true, but I still do not want to accept it as true. Right now, I'm trying my hardest to stay strong about it. The worst part the next day having to tell my ex-wife that she would have to break the news to the kids that their grandmother is dying from cancer. While they took it well, when I saw them yesterday, I could see it on their faces, the sadness they had. It was like someone ripped away a tiny part of their souls.

Right now, my mom is happy and for the moment, not in pain. But I have seen a person die from cancer. It is not pleasant. They scream in agony because the pain is unbearable. How does one cope and deal with something like that? I had to shut it out when I saw my grandfather just before he died. It's not something you forget.

The worst thing...is not having a friend to talk to about it. I really cannot talk to anyone. I don't have friends I can count on to talk to so I can deal with the feelings I have regarding it. Part of me still has trouble wrapping my mind around it. No one wants to see their parents die. No one. But it is a fact of life. My grandparents died. My parents will die. And I someday will die. We all will. When you are young, you think nothing will touch you. You are invincible. As you get older, you see the finality of things. Sure you put it out of your mind, but it's there.

I love my folks. They mean the world to me. To see them go, it scares me and most of all, it hurts to know one of your parents are going to die and their time is soon. It's not that soon right now, but it is coming. Some nights I'm ok, some nights I feel my whole life is on hold and I can't move forward. But I know I have no choice. Life does not go on hold. You cannot hit the pause button. Life changes. And death...is a part of that change. Like it or not, that's the truth of it.

I wish I had the answer to it all.
3 Comments
Ok, well some good news finally hit my way...
Posted:Dec 26, 2018 5:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 31, 2018 7:56 pm
856 Views

Well, my mom is back from the hospital. We brought her home Christmas day in the afternoon. So it was a great Christmas gift for me to have my mom back in her house. All in all the surgery went well and they believe they removed all of the cancer from her at this time, so I am pleased and happy she is home safe and sound after 5 days of waiting.

Of course, that is the good news. The bad news? I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...I am just plain tired!

I had 4 days off from Saturday to Tuesday, and to be honest, I did more work at home than I did while I was at work!

11 loads of laundry
cooked my dad meals every day
cleaned the house from top to bottom, getting all of the rooms done
late minute Christmas shopping and trips to the grocery store
washing dishes
taking out garbage
PLUS I had to rewire some internet cables from my router downstairs to my upstairs bedroom!

In short, I'm actually glad I'm at work because with it being quiet, I might be able to get a nap in at work and relax! LOL!

Also, by the way, my last post got reworded somehow. It kept adding in TO into everything and reposting it all over the place. I don't know if I got hacked or if MenNation.com fucked up my post on purpose.

Well, with everything hopefully returning to some semblance of normal...sort of...maybe I can start to relax a bit, god willing.

Peace unto you and I hope you had a Merry Christmas!
5 Comments
HAD SEX WITH 50 WOMEN THIS WEEKEND!
Posted:Dec 10, 2018 9:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2018 6:49 pm
1090 Views

Sucker.

Got you with the tremendously fake headline. LOL!

Yeah, no...I did not have sex this weekend. But I got you pervs to check this out just the same. Do you feel cheated? Meh...

Update on my mom, today she goes to get her CT scan to have her checked out for her colon/intestinal cancer issue...I hope it's small. But I'll know later how it is.

I had to help work on repairing our dryer this weekend. I'm pretty handy with tools and youtube videos, so I just watched those and figured it out. The motor went, so I replaced it and got the dryer working again, and saved a bunch of money doing it, which helped my folks. And it dries our clothes even faster than before! The fun thing is I wash my mom's comforter in the wash and dried it up, and then afterwards as my mom was laying on the chaise section of the couch, I took the freshly hot comforter, and laid it on her and she turned into a cozy mouse, and snuggled into the warm comforter and fell asleep for a solid hour. She used to do that to us when we were kids laying on the couch, and we'd wrap ourselves up like giant burritos, sucking up the warm heat on a cold winter's day and we wouldn't move off of that couch all morning. You had to get a crowbar to pry us off that couch because it was too cozy. I miss those days.

I spent some well needed time with my kids this weekend. Man seeing them really helped recharge my batteries. I wish I could see them more, but that's how life is when you are a divorced man and the kids live with their mom. Plus I'll be able to get some time to bring them to my folks house this coming weekend so they can see their grandma and grandpa, which should brighten their spirits.

Plus, watched the Bears last night and that defense dominate the Rams! What a game that was! Plus watching the Bears, their level of play is so infectious with the level of trick plays they do, it's amazing!

Were you really disappointed that I didn't have sex with 50 women this weekend?
8 Comments
Why I haven't been on in a while...
Posted:Dec 7, 2018 7:30 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 9:20 am
1073 Views

Well, I said I was going to post more stuff, but unfortunately, real life strikes again.

On the good news front...

Work has been all encompassing, and it took a turn for the better. In November, my boss informed me that a position had opened up in the books for an employee spot, and they were able to bring me on into the company as a full time employee. And that means, full benefits, better , vacation/sick days, and things are going to be a lot better for me. So while that's good news...why I not excited about it?

Well, I , but recently I got some terrible news from our family.

My mom has colon-intestinal cancer. This now makes it the third time she's had cancer in her life. That hit me like a brick in the face. To make matters worse, she's going to be having the surgery around Christmas time and will most likely be in the hospital during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I had to tell my sisters the news. Out of me 3 sisters, two of them took it hard and were to do whatever they could to help. However, one of my sisters, I'll be honest, I have no clue what the fuck is going on in her head. Its like she almost couldn't be bothered with the news and it seemed she didn't care. It was like she's completely disconnected. It made me so mad, it infuriated me. I swear I have no clue what the fuck is going on in her head.

The worst though was telling my kids and my ex-wife. My daughter completely lost it and started to cry on the phone and my son ran from the room in tears. What's worse was to tell them that our normal family Christmas party would be cancelled and the kids look forward to it every single year. Not for the presents, but it allows them to have some freedom and relax and enjoy the holidays, because my ex-wife's side of the family are, to put it bluntly a bit odd and some of them are emotionally disconnected. Like my sister.

Needless to say, things have gone and flipped upside down in my house. My dad has been taking my mom to doctor appointments and tests so that they can evaluate my mom's cancer. She goes in for a CT scan next week to determine how bad the cancer really is. So far they only found a small polyp in her large intestine/colon area and they hope its been contained. But I honestly do not know how bad it is, and we won't know fully until she has the CT scan.

To make matters worse, my health is not so great either. I've dealt with an ever increasing progressive pain in my joints, and I think developing arthritis. On a pain level from 1 to 10, with 10 being crippling pain, on a constant 3-4 level all of the time. hoping I will get my medical cards soon from my work insurance. But for right now, until they come, I can't go to the doctor just yet.

Finally my SAD/Seasonal Affective Disorder is just starting to ramp up. Its been difficult to deal with, but I try to stem it off by staying in highly lit areas (bright light helps deal with the disorder), taking baths, and getting plenty of sleep.

In short, its going to be a really crappy Christmas season. While some things have been good, a lot has really hit home. doing what I can to stay strong. But really, I could honestly use someone to give me a great big hug right now. I feel like I've been putting on a front for my whole family, trying to stay strong for all of them, when I feel like the one falling apart.
5 Comments
You can't always get what you want...
Posted:Oct 17, 2018 9:59 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2018 7:12 am
1150 Views

Great song by the Stones. And appropriately, sort of how my life is going at the moment.

It's ok, I'm not really complaining about it. I know that no matter how real life issues get in the way of things, I just have to have some patience and deal with it. It's mainly work getting in the way of me wanting to push forward and get back on track, but I know that sometimes, it takes time before things develop into where you want them to be and where things are REALLY are at the moment.

It's been six months since I've started my new job as a contractor for another company. And things are going well, but, they haven't hired me yet. I did just recently have a good discussion with my manager, and they informed me that they do not have an open position yet to bring me into the company full time. The department that I'm working in doesn't have an available position in the company as of yet, but they said that could change sometime possibly by next year.

Contractors sort of get the short end of the stick. Yes, we get money. But the benefits working as a contractor really suck. Shitty health care, no days off, no 401k or bonuses. So I was hoping that my company would have hired me by now.

However, they didn't say that they were not going to hire me. It's just that they don't have the available position to hire me at the moment. So I just have to hold on and wait a while longer. And the nice thing is that they did say that they were pleased with how I am working right now. So it's an indicator that they are planning on hiring me full time, but they can't at the moment due to there not being an open position at the moment.

For me, I just have to be patient.

Patience however isn't my strong suit. It's something I'm learning to deal with on a daily basis.

Same thing with my love life. I want to have a relationship with someone, but finding that person who is right for me...well that's frustrating because I'm not finding anyone. It's like the song from Wreckless Eric "Whole Wide World". Maybe my girl does live in Tahiti. And yes, Cage the Elephant covered this song. I know my music!

But again, I just have to be patient. I know eventually I will find someone. But it's not on "MY TIME" it's on "God's time". And yes, I know for some of you who don't believe in God, I get it, I'm not trying to force my ideals on you. It's just what I believe. I know God's got a plan for me. What it is, I don't know, and what he has in store for me either.

I just have to have a bit of faith that things will work out and when it happens, it happens.

So you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need. So for now, I'll be patient, be aware, and hope things will get better.

Peace, and thanks for reading.
2 Comments
I'm amazed at the easy money I made from this place...
Posted:Oct 1, 2018 1:07 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2018 11:50 am
1544 Views

Ok, I normally try to be helpful with people here, so if you haven't been tipped on this...this is something you need to know.

TOP CLASS ACTION

If you do a search for this, you will come across this website. This is something you ABSOLUTELY need to sign up for so you can get the newsletter. Normally every couple of weeks to a month, the website sends out a newsletter to your email address. Now I know you're saying "Fuck why do I need another email newsletter? I get a ton of spam in my email box for my personal email already!" Trust me on this one, you're going to want this email to hit your personal email.

Every couple of weeks, they send out a list of all of the top class action lawsuits that come out. Stuff you normally buy. Basic stuff. Like items for food. Or you bought a TV. Or a computer. Or a new car a while back? Well if there is a top class action lawsuit that is related to the stuff you normally already use, like your credit card company that you use over charges you on over draft fees, or a bank or whatever you use, if that company is being sued in a class action lawsuit, you can get money back for certain items you use.

For example, I bought a Monster HDMI cable from Best Buy. They drastically overcharged me on the cable, even though the cable was advertised as being a superior product because of the gold plating on the cable. I paid 49.95 for the cable at Best Buy. Monster got sued in a class action for falsely representation of the cable being faster when it wasn't. I then put my name in for the law suit, and after a couple of months...I got a check for 10 bucks in the mail. The lawyers took out their fees and I got 10 bucks back in the mail. Now, you're thinking...eh, 10 bucks is nothing right?

Today I got a check in the mail for 140 bucks for purchasing a Carrier air conditioner because of a class action lawsuit from over 10 years ago. I just put my name in, and 3 months later....140 bucks back in my pocket because Carrier screwed up and overcharged me.

I've signed up for this a couple of years ago. So far...I've made over 1000 bucks back from companies who've overcharged me for products. Or companies who misrepresented their products to perform stuff they were supposed to do something and didn't do.

Recently, I got back 80 bucks from another company in which they drastically overcharged me on for a TV due to price-fixing with other companies, creating an unfair trade market.

In short, it does add up. So I wanted to share the love on this that you too could check this out and get some money back. You might find something that you bought that you use on a daily basis in which you could get some money back on. And on a side note....I'm not getting paid for this...I just thought I'd pass it along so you too might be able to get some money back as well.

Peace!
7 Comments
Can an average guy find a relationship without buying a membership here?
Posted:Oct 1, 2018 12:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2018 11:49 am
1542 Views

So for quite some time now, I've tried being a paying member here (with little success) and being a non-paying member here (with no success). Of course, that was back in the day when if you were a blogger here, bloggers got more attention and were able to communicate via their blogs to talk to people.

Today, the site has made that virtually impossible. I hate to say it, but unless you are a male model or look like one, if you are a normal average guy, it's nearly impossible to find someone here.

Of course, as I've gotten older, my taste has changed from "hooking up" or a FWB situation to actually actively trying to find a solid relationship here. And yes, I know, it is possible to do it. I've seen others here do it. But it's like needle in a haystack type odds.

So is it possible? Yes. But it's hard to do and it's not easy on this site. Let's face it, some guys here just make it harder with an attitude like they are god's gift to women and that women should be subservient to their whims and needs. Now if you are a sub, that's all well and good, but most women are not subs. And let me say there is nothing wrong with being a sub. If that's you're cup of tea, awesome. But finding a woman like that is difficult in today's society.

So what can you do? How do you find a good woman on here? It's possible. And here are some tips that I've been told that can help:

-Remove the dick picts.
First and foremost, if you got a dick pic on your profile, and you are trying to find a relationship on here, chances are, you won't find one. Having a dick pic on your profile is like saying "Hey, I'm here for sex and that's it." Now yes, this is a site for hookups. I'm not denying that. But if you are looking for a relationship, and you have a dick pic on your profile, 9 times out of 10, a woman that is looking for a serious relationship will pass your profile over without reading it as they will not care what you posted. So dick pics....you'll need to get rid of those.

-What does your profile say about you?
So the dick pics are gone, but still no luck finding a relationship? Check what you have in your profile guys. Having a poorly worded profile or nothing on there...it's not going to help at all. Also, spelling errors are a major turn off for women. Yes....women can read. And it's statistically been proven that women get sexually turned on more by engaging their brains. When compared with pictures two average guys, the person with a well-read, well thought out profile, with no spelling mistakes, excellent grammar (knowing the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE), shows their intelligence. And most women love big brains. So double check and triple check that profile for errors in spelling and grammar.

-What you say matters!
This is related to #2 above, but you have checked for spelling and grammatical errors, but what you also say about yourself matters too. If you are post you are DTF (down to fuck), you're only going to get women that care about hooking up. If you post that you are open towards looking for a serious relationship and are looking for a woman that can match your intelligence and thoughtfulness, you are going to find that your quality of woman is going to change as well. Yes, every guy likes to fuck. As does every woman. But, if you are diving into the water, do you just jump headfirst not checking that the water is shallow thus risking injury, or do you ease yourself into the water first, and then dive in later? The smart person takes their time. Besides, you don't want to risk finding the wrong woman later and wasting your precious time, having to dump that person to find someone else causing problems for you when she gets mad at you and keys your car up because you broke her heart because she's not the right person for you. Think about what you want from this site, because if you want to hook up, there are plenty of people for that. If you want a relationship here, you have to put in the work and effort to find that gold instead of running across some pyrite.

-BE YOURSELF!
This is probably the most important thing I can tell anyone here. Never pretend to be someone you are not, nor do it for a woman you want to attract in order to draw her in. It's wrong on so many levels. Besides...don't you want someone to love you for who YOU ARE? Of course! Everyone does. Being yourself is important. Me? I love comic book movies, and Japanese Anime, and computer games and reading books. Are there some woman that are going to be turned off by that? Yep, absolutely. But for some woman that are going to be turned off by that, there will be others that do like that. Does it limit you a bit in finding the right person? A bit, but you want to find a person that is attracted to you for who you are. Why? Because if they share your interests in the things you like, then it allows you to draw more upon that person to share your interests. And that does mean both ways for people.
By being yourself, it allows you to know that if a person likes you for who you are, they will be willing to stick around because they like what you like. And you don't have to like everything about a person and be the same, but by being yourself, it allows the other person to determine what type of person you are, and whether or not they could allow themselves to be attracted to you and determine what type of character you have.

-Be OPEN to new things!
If you are open to trying new things, it allows you to keep an open mind about others. I used to hate sushi. I never tired it, but I thought it was a prissy, preppy urbanite looking food that rich people would eat and brag about eating. And then I had a female that I dated a long time ago that forced me to try it on a date one time. I thought it would suck. But I allowed myself to keep an open mind and give this a shot.
It was like eating a slice of heaven. I tried 6 different types of sushi that night. And it blew my date away that I was open enough to try new things. Which greatly turned her on, and we were supposed to go to a movie later, but she dragged me back to her place and promptly fucked my brains out that entire night. It didn't work out eventually between us due to she was a die-hard Republican and I'm a more independent political guy, but it was a fun night.
The point being though is allow yourself to be open to new things. By doing that, you could discover the love of your life. Or at least, delicious food. Or that you like watching Japanese Anime. Or fishing. Or a ton of other new things. And most importantly, it allows you to open your horizons to new thinking and new ideas and concepts, which broadens your horizons to new and wonderful things in this world.

I'm sure there is more ideas I can post here. And I'd love to hear what you think. What do you think can help find a relationship here? Any ideas or thoughts you have on this? Post them here! I'd love to hear them!

Peace!
9 Comments
Couldn't think of an interesting title so this is all you get.
Posted:Sep 24, 2018 7:26 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2018 12:35 pm
1447 Views

Sorry...wish I had more to say, but it's been nothing much except work, seeing my kids, and taking care of business and bills.

Nothing interesting on the dating front. But what was cool was my mom and dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this weekend. It was really cool because we planned a special surprise party for them this weekend. We almost had my whole family there, but my daughter had to work that day and couldn't trade days with anyone to take the day off. I will admit, I was a bit bummed about that, but she's growing up now, and she's trying to be responsible which is good.
Regardless, my mom and dad were blown away by the party, and youngest sister made a video collage of all of the pictures we had over the years, which blew my mind. Just seeing the memories of everything as I was younger, the memories just washed over me like a flood, the tears of happiness and everything that happened this weekend, seeing my mom and dad happy like that, it nearly floored me.

What was cool was having my son see these pictures and he could see my family like this was really special. Of course, by the end of Saturday night, I was so exhausted emotionally. I felt like I went through an emotional rollercoaster day, and toward the end of the day, I was physically exhausted. It's been a while since I felt like that. And it wasn't a sad day of emotions either. It was a joyous outpouring of emotions. I mean, it was a really good weekend. Plus seeing the Bears win on Sunday and going to 1st place in the NFC this week? Even better!

The only thing that scares me is when things are going good, I know I shouldn't be focusing on it, but...I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I'm starting to get stable in my life, work is going well, new car, my folks celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary...life is good at the moment. Maybe this is God giving me a break for now. I know I sure could need it, and I hope it stays that way for quite some time.

Thanks for reading...peace!
1 comment
Little steps forward...
Posted:Aug 9, 2018 9:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2018 6:50 am
1557 Views
Well, since I was last on here, I've been focused on work a lot. Plus, with the fact that a contract worker, I don't get days off. Well I get days off, but they are not paid days off that is, but still working. I can count that as a plus.

The bad news was that my car wasn't cutting it anymore. I would drive it to work, and anytime I got over 65 mph (yes I know the speed limit is 55, but when you have been raised on watching Speed Racer cartoons as a kid, I have a bit of a leadfoot. still a safe driver though...) my car steering wheel would start a bad vibration. I could tell my near 10 car wasn't going to cut it anymore. That plus adding 125,590 miles on it. And to get the car fixed...new brakes, new tires, new exhaust, new shocks, new belts for the engine, plus doing a engine tune up...that would have cost 5 grand or more, and the car per the blue book value on it was from 700 to 1500 dollars. So being as the repairs were going to be more than triple the value of the actual car's worth...the writing was plain to see on the wall. It was time to get a new car.

So I applied for a car loan, and I got turned down by one place right off the bat. Yes, my credit history isn't that great, as I've had credit problems in the past. So I called my credit union, and luckily I was approved for a car loan. The interest wasn't that bad either. So I did my research, and decided on the Hyundai Tucson. Luckily after doing my research, I found that summer is a great time to buy a new car because the dealerships are trying to push out this 's cars to gear up for next 's model of cars to make room. And that put in a great buying position.

So I hit my local dealer up, and after some prime negotiating (my mama didn't raise me as a fool, you never sticker price...you haggle with those sales people!) I got a brand new black 2018 Hyundai Tucson. And it wasn't a base model either, this puppy was fully loaded, for a steal. I managed to knock it down 6k for the asking price and scored a great deal on the vehicle! YAY!

And man is it a great vehicle! Thing rides like a dream....SMOOOOOOOTH...and it's exactly what I wanted. This kids love it as well. My daughter has been begging to drive it, and my son doesn't have to sit in the middle seat with him manspreading all over the back seat. They love it. So another item for the win column for .

Finally, I had a nice sit down talk with my boss and after talking to him, he informed me that after my 6 month anniversary working with them (right now I've got 4 1/2 months working for them) that they are going to sit me down and see if they can hire me on with the company working for full time! Even more awesome news! I just have to keep busting my butt at work, but I think in another two months, by the end of October, I hopefully will be able to get in with this company full time. Which means full time benefits with the company. Which means paid days off. Holiday . Full coverage. Stock bonuses, pension plan, and other goodies.

So on a personal front, things are slowly getting better. And on a career front, if I can hold on to doing good work, I think things will improve as well.

The only front I can't seem to get going is a decent love life. Plus I kind of feel that at 48, I feel like my clock is ticking. I know you women say your biological clock ticks, but when we guys get into our 40's, and you are single without a love life...it feels...empty. And I don't want to feel like that. Yes, I know, every person has their own unique plan in life that God sets out in front of them. And yes, I would like to find someone to settle down with and be happy with that person. And please...don't get me wrong, I happy. I do feel my life is getting better every day. But without someone to share it with...it's not the same. You know what I mean?

Well, that's all I got for now. Thanks for reading. Peace!
2 Comments

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