The number of people you’ve had sex with is still a fairly taboo subject.
While some women couldn’t care less how many they’ve slept with or who knows about it (raises hand) others still keep it close to their chest for fear of being judged.
As a consequence, many couples, well into relationships and marriages, steer clear of the big conversation.
Having slept with more people than I care to remember, I’ve not only lost count of numbers but I also couldn’t give a proverbial toss who knows about it.
And neither should you.
You should be out and proud about your number.
Anyone that judges you for it simply isn’t worth having in your life.
Because the beauty of not living in 1876 is that you are free to have sex with as many people as you want and not be sent to a workhouse for immoral women as a consequence.
Because sex is amazing and something we should all be doing as much or as little of as we choose, not something to regret or keep a secret.
Chill out, it was years ago and only HALF the rugby team (Picture: Getty)
Granted we’ve all had that dodgy one-nighter that’s probably best left on the beach in Tenerife but, generally speaking, your number should be a badge of pride not a badge of shame, no matter how much it’s beginning to look like a double lottery rollover win.
So, while I’d recommend holding back on the numbers convo on the first date, at some point in a relationship disclosing the amount also shows your partner you trust them enough with that information.
Which is brilliant news for the honesty and openness of your relationship in the future.
It’s just a number after all, and telling your partner that you slept with at least two men a week on your gap year in Australia simply says you liked sex, fun and jagerbombs – nothing more, nothing less.
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Yes
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The same applies to women.
If your boyfriend has slept with a high number of women, it doesn’t mean he’s a chancer, a player or a commitment-phone – it means absolutely nothing, aside from the fact that he’s had sex, quite a lot.
Which is great news because it not only means he respects you enough to share the information but that, when he does settle down, he’ll have got it out of his system.
He won’t wonder what’s on the other side of the fence.
He’ll no doubt be a god between the sheets.
Triple win.
Awkward curious teenage couple at party
(Picture: Getty)
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Whether you’ve had four lovers who you cared for deeply or have spent the last 10 years enjoying carefree, random hook-ups, all of them are experiences that have shaped you to be the person you are today.
Anyone worthy of your company, and bed, should respect you for it and love the ‘number’ you’re in.
Life’s too short for keeping secrets – and being open and proud is far sexier than editing your life to adhere to somebody else’s expectations.
They’ll find out in the end anyway, and then how are you going to explain that YouTube video?
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5 comments
If it comes up.
My actual number seems to me like a tiny number, but other people regard it as a big number. In reality, I have every intention of increasing the number. Hopefully, by quite a lot. In my opinion, poles are made for holes, and that will remain true for me for a long, long, time to come.
If they want to know
The number of women marrying in their late 30s and 40s has doubled in the last decade.
However, given some people’s reaction when you tell them you’re single post 35, you’d think we were still living in a time where the average life expectancy was 37 and a half.
Looks of sympathy, comments of concern and ‘constructive’ ideas about how to meet ‘the one’ – If you think going it alone isn’t without its consequences, think again.
Here are 14 comments every single girl in her 30s is tired of hearing.
Ah, the old favourite.
There’s nothing a smug couple enjoys more than asking single friends why they’re single – with an obligatory ‘You’re so gorgeous! You’re such a catch! What a waste!’ to soften the blow.
Yawn.
Jeez, no, that never crossed my mind! Why didn’t I think of that?
Studio portrait of woman yawning
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (Picture: Getty)
3. Stop looking and you’ll find it
If I had a pound off every 38-year-old who’d met the man of her dreams, sitting on her sofa in a onesie watching Coronation Street with nothing but a cat and a bottle of Shiraz for company, I’d be a very rich woman by now.
Not.
Stop being so fussy
Because ‘you’re not getting any younger’ wink, wink.
Tick-Tock
Nothing gets a family get-together off to roaring start quite like a conversation with a ‘concerned’ relative about your eggs and the dwindling chance of them being successfully fertilised.
Adds ‘getting pregnant’ to list of things to do next week
Because it’s that easy.
Have you thought about freezing your eggs?
Have you thought about giving me five grand?
Get out of those Uggs!
Whilst I recognise that Ugg wearing is not always conducive to hot man dating, there comes a time in every woman’s life when certain things take priority.
It’s November, it’s raining, I’m hungover.
F**k relationships – I choose sheepskin heaven.
And make sure you bring some modeling balloons and a pack of cards.
Because there is nothing a single girl in her 30s loves more than entertaining ‘proper grown-ups’ at dinner parties.
Excellent, why would I want to bring the cute guy I’ve been newly dating to your wedding when I could spend the evening being perved at by a 62-year-old man with personal hygiene issues.
And you wonder why I’m single.
From someone who married before online dating was invented.
LOLZ.
It was all couples so I didn’t think you’d want to come
Eh?
I’m thinking of starting Oscar on Kumon
Is it a food? Is it a sport? Is it a language?
Here’s a secret. Not only does your child-free, single friend think Kumon is a tropical fruit, Montessori is an area of southern Italy and Gina Ford is a reality TV star from Geordie Shore – but she has no interest in finding out otherwise, either.
Because middle-aged booze bloat isn’t going to get you a man!
Pours wine, lights fag, de-friends
Images/METRO/Myles Goode)
Smug marrieds 1-0 singletons. Sob.
Yes, bad news singletons. Not only are you, you know, single, but according to science being without a plus one is probably making you fat.
We know, it’s properly sh*t.
In a study published in the Journal Nutrition Reviews, Dr Katherine Hanna and Dr Peter Collins from Queensland University of Technology looked at 41 previous studies into the link between living alone, food and nutrition, and found that single people are more likely to have a poor diet and therefore pile on the pounds.
Film: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004) Renee Zellweger in a scene from the film. 08490.jpg.asset_rgb.jpg
We’ve all been there Bridge (Picture: Miramax)
Dr Katherine Hanna, one of the lead researchers, explained: ‘a lack of motivation and enjoyment in cooking and/or eating alone often led to people preparing simple or ready-made meals lacking key nutrients.’
Oh f*** off!
This research comes hot on the heels of study by scientists at University Hospital AHEPA of Thessaloniki, Greece, who interviewed 150 obese Greeks and found that singletons were more likely to pile on the pounds in middle age than those with a spouse.
Look science, we’d rather be single and fat than skinny and with the wrong partner, so there.
deal-breaker (Picture: Getty/metro)
We all know about those major deal breakers that send us running before a relationship has even had a chance to form.
They could be practically perfect for you in every way, but you just can’t see past their terrible shoes/questionable haircut/nasally voice/insert whatever really turns you off.
If you’re looking for love, but can’t quite lock it down – even when you seem to be getting along swimmingly – it might be one of these deal-breakers that’s wrecking it for you.
Luckily, a bunch of researchers have isolated the biggest deal-breaking turn-offs, so you can adjust accordingly, or you know, think about it, and stay exactly how you are because the human race is stubborn (turn-off number 10, FYI).
workaholics it's fine if you'd want to date me gif
They realised most prior research had been all about traits people desire in partners, which is all very well and good, but apparently we focus more on the negatives when assessing whether or not someone is a potential long-term mate.
In one of their studies they asked 2,744 single adults to choose the traits that would stop them pursuing a relationship with a potential mate.
They found men and women mainly agreed with each other on what stopped them from committing, except men found a low sex drive a bigger problem and women took up more of an issue with excessive video game playing.
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The number one deal-breaker though is an unclean or dishevelled appearance, which is good news for lovelorn daters because it’s pretty easy to remedy.
Just, you know, shower and wear nice clean clothes. M’kay
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