Year end reflections#

Wow, 2025 has been quite an interesting year for me. I forced myself to venture out more... even took up a 6 months in person bible school... made new friends... saw the world out there instead of just holed up in my home all the time due to my mobility and health issues.

I also started to catch up on the trends out there in the world, learn more about AI... my mental health improved with understanding and trying to put my own needs in place instead of always putting everyone else first. It wasn't easy but it is also my journey of self discovery and self worth. It can get tiring at times due to my health limitations but I guess no venture no gain. 2025 broadened my perspectives as I learn about new stuff one by one.

I also started a gardening hobby in my indoor balcony... there's so much to learn too, about indoor vs outdoor plants... how to nurture, what type of fertilizers, how much watering or sunlight, etc. Of course as amateur, I did killed quite a number of plants due to lack of experiences... still learning though. With the year end rainy season and lack of strong sunlight, my plants are not at their maximum performance these days. But neverthless, it is a useful hobby to force me to move around the house daily than just resting on my bed all day stuck to my laptop.

For the past few weeks, I started to watch some summarized Chinese dramas set in their old periodic era where the main female character was transported from modern day after an accident into the body of another accident victim. The themes were almost alike in most of the story plots. The original character in the old periodic famine era was mostly bad in their personalities (a shrewd bad hearted person who abused the family, etc) and the new soul that enter the body has to prove herself to be useful to the family and over thrown their former view of her evil past. So it is like given a 2nd life to prove herself and right all the wrongs previously done to others. In the series, these new characters does have super power or an AI system to help them to negotiate better life choices (like storage in virtual space for food and money to survive in the famine, etc).

What struck me the hardest watching all these old periodic era were the suppression of the rights of the females... females can be sold as property... forced marriages to anyone for cash/bridal dowry... cannot be divorced or faced a life of judgment and jeered by neighbours/other villagers... the man can divorced the woman and took all her belongings but the woman if want to divorce, will be left with nothing and chased out of the man's home. Women cannot inherit any land or property from their parents... women have to slog like slaves and endure domestic abuse... even if the man killed the wife due to severe beating, the fault is the woman, etc. Women are not allowed to learn knowledge or to go attend school unless for royal families' daughters.

This only made me even more appreciative of the modern world I am living in. At least in my country, there's compulsory education for both males and females. Even when I am from the lowest income due to both parents were sick when I was young, the government helped me with basic education. As long as I am willing to work hard, there's jobs for me to earn an income when I was healthy and young.

The other perspective from watching all these China dramas was the point of how relatives will use emotional manipulations to get their ways. Still applicated to these days... for example, the relatives will go to the married woman and said she need to provide for her maternal family to support their nephew for study and exams fees, etc. Even in these modern days, many daughters in lower income families have to give up their own study to go out to work to support their brothers' life goals (studies, getting married by paying for his house with the new wife) or the women will be labeled as unfilial and not helping the family, etc. Yes, in the China Chinese traditional culture, they only favoured the sons, not the daughters. But in my eyes, they are just excuses to leach on the poor women.

And in the dramas, one main occurrence was that at all times, the oldest in the village or household can scold or lecture anyone younger and get his or her way through senior authority. And when people questioned, these seniors will act like big toddlers with temper tantrums, crying, screaming and even sitting down or rolling on the floor acting the victims, saying the young ones bullied them or not showing respect. So that also made me wonder why nowadays a lot of seniors will fight for the elderly priority seats in trains or buses, etc. Yes, we ought to give way to seniors but how far is the limits when Seniors use their age to get their ways? Recently there's incidents where seniors fight for the seats with pregnant mothers and it turned really ugly. Or those China Chinese seniors traveling oversea with that self entitled views that became offensive in many countries. It is a cultural issue, actually.

Watching these dramas does brought back bad memories from my Chinese Hubby's family and how they treated me... using all these emotional blackmailing in the past. I gave up my own tertiary savings to loan to Hubby's parents when they cannot pay for their own house. At that time, I was young yet struggling to care for their son who cannot work and I have to work 2 full time jobs, sleeping barely 2-4 hours a day in order to provide for my own household. Looking back, yup... that was emotional blackmailing too for they judged me as a daughter in law if I cannot provide the money for them. Or my own older siblings coming to me for financial help when they have problems due to their own gambling issues. Really, a lot of flashbacks while watching these dramas. And in the dramas, the main character has to think of ways to end the family ties in order to be freed from all these blackmailing, but as the main character work hard and earn money, their relatives will still come up with various schemes to try to get money from her.

As for myself, my sicknesses are a blessing in disguise. As I am not earning as what I used to do, my relatives and friends slowly stop associating with me. It is also much peaceful for my life now. I am also learning to pamper myself instead of looking out for everyone's wants or needs first. Really, when sickness hits and one is left alone to heal for a long time, one get to see who their real friends or family is.

I still care for people... and still do volunteering works... but I also learn in this year to allow myself some breather.... not to over commit... learn to draw my boundaries so I can have peace in my life.

How about you, my friend? What has 2025 shown you?

Here, I wish for a 2026 year filled with these cups in your life.