The true story of " Luscious"

Well...I like LONG walks on the beach! lol Sorry trying to do the old PLAYBOY centerfold bullshit!
Let's see..where to begin? Born in Athens, GA on 12/3/81. I was the YOUNGEST of four children, my father LEFT us when I was 4 and my mom had to work three jobs to keep the lights on! I was in essence RAISED by my three older brothers! Spent all my time with them and their friends growing up!

We were POOR! The first half of my childhood we lived in a DILAPIDATED old house in the country (which is where I picked up my strong "country" accent). By the time I was a TEENAGER we moved into an INNER CITY neighborhood (where I was the ONLY white girl in my class)! Was SEVERELY bullied! HAD to learn to fend for myself (even though my brothers INTERVENED on several occasions)!
I escaped my world through books, movies and SEX! Sex got me attention, something I was sorely lacking, so I was a bit promiscuous to say the least! Was always dating OLDER guys because of the missing father figure in my life! MUCH older!

Did well in school but had ZERO ambition! Went to community college for a year but DROPPED out when I got pregnant at 19 (I was working as a TOPLESS DANCER at the time...my stripper name was "LUSCIOUS" by the way! lol). Got married WAY too quickly to the father! Ended up having three kids in total, ALL boys (grew up with three brothers, and was now raising three sons!).

My marriage was MISERABLE! My EX-husband was ABUSIVE, not so much physically (though he did throw me into a wall once), but more so VERBALLY & EMOTIONALLY. A NARCISSIST if ever there was one! Over the course of married life I had to learn to STAND UP to him because I was terrified of things he might do to me (or SAY to the kids about me)!

Late in our marriage I discovered he'd been CHEATING on me with MULTIPLE women the entire time we were together (something I had SUSPECTED but because of the kids I never pursued...which I should've)! I SNAPPED! I decided at that point I was getting MINE, so that last year we were together I began having SEX outside our marriage! A LOT of sex I might add!
When I finally LEFT him and the DIVORCE was finalized I was very NUMB inside! I VOWED I was never getting into another relationship because of the EMOTIONAL toll my marriage to him had taken on me! This was when I entered into what I call my "I Don't Give a FUCK" phase of my life! I began DRINKING but even more so, engaging in ALL kinds of sexual activity (with men & women)!

Because I didn't want a serious relationship I forged sexual friendships instead (or FWB's - "friends with benefits" )! I started meeting up with people at their homes or hotels, frequenting ADULT THEATERS and all kinds of other CRAZY activities too numerous to list (some of which I've DETAILED in my blog)! My sex addiction had really taken a HOLD on me those first two years or so after the divorce, and I was always out seeking that DOPAMINE high!

During all this I had been working at a grocery store chain ever since I'd gotten pregnant with my first child! After I left my husband I wanted to become a MANAGER to provide a better income for my kids since I was now a SINGLE parent! I was working for one who was very thoughtful & concerned, and one day he pulled me aside as he could see I was SPIRALING! He said he wanted to PROMOTE me and help me along, but I needed to get my ACT together, for MY sake and my KIDS! It was definitely the WAKE UP call I needed!

From that point I QUIT drinking and began going to THERAPY! Through that I learned I had BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder due to a life of trauma, neglect & abuse! It also explained my need for ATTENTION as well as my RISKY sexual escapades! I learned the skills of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which helped me learn to better CONTROL my emotions (GREATLY I might add)!

I even tried to eliminate my sex addiction...but to NO avail! I KNEW it was a POINTLESS endeavor, so rather than do the IMPOSSIBLE, I chose to MODERATE it instead! Inspired by the TV show DEXTER, I created a CODE to keep myself under control! I still go out and ENGAGE in sexual activity but I put certain STIPULATIONS in place as to how, when and where I'll do it! It's helped TREMENDOUSLY!

Currently I've achieved my goal of being a STORE MANAGER (and was even named "MANAGER of the YEAR" this past year), my kids are all doing well and I'm HAPPIER than I've ever been in my life! My brother likes to say, "Whatever doesn't KILL ya makes ya STRONGER and I must be the strongest person in the world because I AIN'T dead yet!" I know how he feels!

"Luscious" and I chatted on line for perhaps over a year. I've held on to this because it is my opinion that life stories gold. I have another one that I will share soon. Both are women who went through hell and came out the other sider better, not bitter, people. Truly, you never know what that other person has been through in life. Luscious told me she had never shared that with anyone before. Some, of course, knew a chapter or two about her struggle but she had told no one the entire story. I felt privileged not only that she thought me worthy enough to share this with me but that she chatted with me for as long as she did before she moved on. After becoming store manager of the year, she became regional buyer. That meant traveling. We met once at the airport and had a wonderful couple of hours together during her lay over. Marley excoriated Scrooge when Scrooge made the comment that they had been good business men. Marley shouted, "People were our business." That as stuck with me down through the years. Luscious has remarried and this time to a man who provides and protects for her in a way she had never imagined a man doing, especially after she had shared with him all she had with me. Kudos to her. What was it that Red said of Andy in Shawshank Redemption. "He crawled through three football fields of stink and stench that I can't even imagine and came out on the other side a freeman." Sometimes it all works out in the end.