LOOKING FOR A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
OK, we just got back from MN to see the little one (and his parents and brother lol). We cuddled with him as much as possible, since we probably won't see him til summer time. Here's what happened. Everything was going well until Sunday late afternoon. Our daughter scooped up the baby, and said, "Mom!! Wanna go run errands with me?" I said, "Sure!". Off we went. We weren't in the car 5 minutes, when she started setting up what sounded like a therapy session. WTF. A little background - her Dad and I were raised conservatively, we ride Harleys, have tats, and say what's on our mind. Ever since college, she is extremely left wing.
It's not that I'm extreme right wing - I am not. I try to get along with everyone, and hate talking about politics. She loves to talk about politics, and is pissed that I won't. So, apparently, something happened 6 years ago on FB (really??). She has been keeping it in for 6 damn years. She blurted it out, and was ugly crying while driving. I was in shock, and didn't know how to reply. I'm like - You've been keeping this in THIS LONG??? I told her to pull over, so we didn't get into an accident. She did. We both cried, I apologized, but I still didn't know exactly what to say. I could tell she was still frustrated.
We can't change who we are. We love her madly. She's always been sensitive. Right now, at our age, we don't want drama in our lives. We are thankful that we wake up every morning. I'm thinking she's overwhelmed at home. She has a toddler, a new baby, she's working full time, her husband isn't helping with anything. She barely has time to wash her hair. They also have 2 big, messy dogs that get into everything - especially mud. Did she just let me have it because I was the easiest target??
Fucking kids. Sometimes I'm sad that they don't live closer. And sometimes I'm OK with it.
Continuing with Spring Break.... smh
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16 comments
6 yrs ago. Ugh. Sometimes I feel adult kids get hung up on some random moment and forget their parents true character. It's as though they are seeking drama. I am so sorry.
Someone needs to pull her hubby aside and tell him to start taking care of his family. Be a real man. Accept responsibility. Do good in their lives. Stop being a slacker.
Big hugs!!!!
Yes, 6 years. I still can't believe it. And she never called to report back on her therapy session Friday morning. I'm damned if I call, damned if I don't.
Agreed on the SIL, but compared to how she was raised, they are both slackers when it comes to cleaning house. To us, cleanliness was next to Godliness.
I think you were the vent. Perhaps the best thing you can do for her is let her vent. That is not pleasant for you but would be a help to her. Talk with her about it and see if she would like to vent in your direction.
I think that conversation helped for the time being. It's hard, but I think she knows she can talk to me if she needs to. I, in turn, am afraid to bring up certain subjects with her because of her sensitivity. I sometimes ask where she came from??? haha
@luv2suk1966 I can understand that. These days it can really be difficult. Politics has split so many friends and families.
Yes. I hate that.
I've learned to keep my thoughts to myself with I immediate offspring. That said, as a former confidant and mediator for give or take 6,000 fellow employees , children was always the biggest issue. Social media has alot to do with it as do peers and so called friends. But ego also creates patterns for hiding embarrassment and/or trauma. Trusted counseling is usually the only source or creation of someone to talk to who won't talk back, aka baby or a new dog ir cat. You have a dilemma not of your making or ability to solve, be thankful that she opened up to you and trust in her judgment now that she has. Great good fortune with the outcome.
I was proud of her that she finally opened up, even though it was awkward for me. She and her therapist are working on her being more assertive. She seemed to be much lighter afterwards. I'm getting over it quickly, back in my quiet house.
@luv2suk1966 Your open mind, open ears and open heart â¤ï¸ are her biggest help outside herself.
Gotta let them Live Their Own Life Their Own Way! 😉
LOVE'EM the way they are!! 🥰
Sure do! But don't wait to attack after an 8 hour drive. lol
@luv2suk1966
AGREED ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Yes kids hold stuff again us not sure why but my son did similar things.
I guess I'm glad she chose me to attack? I'm Gen X. I can take it.
@luv2suk1966 yes so true they can get over it or deal with it.
WOW, seems this new baby was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
I wasn't there, but I don't think she was letting you have it exactly, More like reaching out, though in quite a poor way. Don't know what your relationship is with your son-in-law, but is it time to gently mention your daughter's overloaded mode to him?
You may be right. She said her therapist told her ways to approach me, and she admitted that she did everything wrong, and it felt like an attack. Maybe I could've replied differently, but I was in shock, and I was pissed off that she felt she couldn't talk to me about this years ago. I'm mostly an open book and can talk to anybody.
@luv2suk1966 I understand you being pissed, feeling attacked, but now in the cool of the evening we both know that path doesn't lead anywhere good. You gonna have to be the adult here, Mom.
It's not like we're not ever going to talk again. She's my daughter, and I still love her. She's just going through a lot right now.
In this case maybe it is a good thing they live a distance, time and distance will help here I know with my kids there is a distance with the past especially when the ex is mentioned. like pop eye says u are who u are good people that enjoy fun and life..I have one son-in-law that is very indiferent to me.. oh well I don't live with him my daughter does..hugs to a hard working lady
Love this! Thank you for sharing this!
I know who I can talk politics and who I can’t. She is overworked for sure. The politics and social media just add to it. It is a noise in her head that she really has no time or stamina for. And yes, you are the easy target. I see total frustration deservedly so. She needs a vent.
I understand. I also know who will have a conversation, and who will fight. I'm so glad we didn't have social media in the 80's!
We can't pick our kids and they can't pick their parents but the older they get the more they tend to see things more like the parents.
I pointed that out - wait til her kids are adults with different opinions. They will still need to respect her and her husband.
Did your daughter tell you what the incident was about?
She did. Apparently, I put a post on FB, and, as she tends to do, she commented with her political answer. I was aggravated that she turned it political. I think Hubby texted her to say something like, "Please stop commenting on your mother's posts the way you do. It's pissing her off." So, in her opinion, we told her to Shut Up. OK, get over it. Something so small blowing up 6 years later.