It's been eight years since I first pressed 'enter' here.
I had no idea what I was doing. I was intrigued, but I could swear (and my scratch-n-sniff phone confirmed) this site had that musky early morning scent of her while she slept next to me. It looked alluring... and risky, and some people walked around naked, and THAT was exciting and cool.
I first posted stories, and then I began to read the blogs.
I noticed that although some blogs may have seemed simple enough on the surface, many bloggers shared subtle, intimate details of their lives, including the heartbreak and sadness that they'd suffered — broken promises they'd endured. Others shared concerns they had about where their lives were heading, and about their jobs and their families.
And they all shared their thoughts and musings with this huge, curmudgeonly database of naked and half-naked friends and watchers. They wanted to touch them, and they wanted to be touched.
Today, I accidentally stumbled upon a blog post from back in 2020. Debbie, a woman in her early 50's, had been diagnosed with level four, terminal bone cancer. All treatment had been abandoned, and she was waiting. I read her very last post, where she spoke of never getting the chance to watch her two daughters graduate or get married... or to see her grandchildren.
She described how sad it was that she was leaving this earth before her parents. She spoke about her life and how it was ending too soon. Debbie was a nurse and described her life. I was compelled and continued to read so many of her posts. I wanted to get to know this woman. At one point, I could barely see anything, as tears blurred my vision and emotions choked my throat. I thought of my own two daughters.
Debbie passed in 2022.
This site is full of real people, and if you spend enough time reading someone's blog, you'll probably discover something deeply personal about that blogger. It's smeared on their heart and soul, like that stain you just can't remove. It surfaces in the words they write — whether they realize it or not.
I might have already shared something worthy and deeply personal with you here on my posts. But I hope I never have to share a regret about not being able to see tomorrow.
Then again, I'd never get that chance.
In the meantime, I'll be that smiling, sarcastic wordsmithsonian blogger by the lake, with an empty, welcoming chair next to him, stringing random words together, pretending that this — is just a hookup site.
Today, it seems more than that.
... that's a day i'd remember...
24
11 comments
Very HOT!!!!
This is a place of body and soul baring. I am more real here than with my vanilla friends on the outside
Hugs!!
And there's nothing wrong with vanilla... or chocolate, for that matter.🤗
This was a very wonderful post, Paul. You have a good heart.
All of my really personal stuff was before the dark side was created and was deleted a number of years ago. But I did the same, bared a lot of my soul here. I worked through things...whatever was stuck in my brain that I couldn't get past...and genuinely loved the interaction I got when I'd post something relatively deep. It was always easier with people that weren't in my day-to-day life. One day, I hope to rectify that and merge the two worlds together. I have a plan! Lol
PS - I really should go back and read more of you. I know I wouldn't be disappointed.
Having a plan... is half the plan. Good for you.🤗
I try to stay on the sunny side; a smile is easier than a frown. But I have my days.
"Reading more of me" sounds risky. 😂
@Paulxx001 It's not quite like finance where I'm fairly risk-averse. I have my days where I want to live on the edge! Maybe not eating-crackers-in-bed living, but definitely something risky...or risque. Lol. I'll bet that smile is a good one.
@MyNameIsKay
"Crackers-in-bed"?
Now... you're starting to scare me.😲
Your post reminded me of that moment in Purple Rain when Prince looks out into a crowd of strangers and you get a sense of him wondering...will they even understand what I'm about to reveal? You can 'FEEL' the hesitation.
Then those opening notes begin...haunting, beautiful...and full of both grief and hope all at once.
I think that is what writing honestly can be. We put something real out into a room full of people we may not truly know, hoping someone recognizes the feeling. Your words did that. They reminded me that even in places people dismiss as “just” one thing, there are real hearts, real stories, and real human connection.
Hugs Paul
💕
M.
Epic song. He left too soon.
True, about taking a chance. Once in a while, I like to step outside the box and take that chance. Glad you popped in to share it.
I'll have to listen to the full version on the tube.🤗
@Paulxx001
It cuts off, yes...by design. This clip serves the moment I needed, the full song lives beyond it. True listeners will find their way. The rest? They were never really listening.
Indeed, Paul, for one reason or another, the Blogs section is the most interesting part of the site for me. Although, I don't know if it's subjective, but I get the impression that the average quality has declined lately, or at least there aren't as many posts that pique my interest. But even so, there are still hidden gems where you least expect them. What you say about Debbie's sad story is a perfect example. It's still a place where many of us bare our souls when we write, and some even bare our naked bodies
Both quantity and quality have dipped significantly. I'm finding it harder to find those gems. Many have left without saying goodbye.
And some stick around, hoping someone will read what they write... or show.🤗
I feel this.
I show more vulnerabilities in this anonymous virtual world than I ever would reveal in reality. People out there depend on me to be the strong, smart, and capable one.
thank you for sharing these thoughts (and others that you've shared in the past)
I barely share one side of me here. Occasionally I drift. But I'm a marshmallow when it comes to feeling someone's pain. It's easy to be sad, and I don't like to drift there. But like all survivors, I try to bullshit my way through it and smile.
Thanks for popping in. 🤗
I'll imagine you in the 'real' world with your hardcore smile — and your venerable advice. I could probably use some of it.
@Paulxx001 Venerable ... makes me sound Confucius-like instead if confused-like.
@bustinout20202 I am strong, smart, and capable but I also have moments when I'm not. Blogland is one of the few places where I share those moments.
No, I'm not on my period. Or perhaps I am.
Do men have low-testosterone days?
While we're on the topic... might as well.
Jack it up and loop it.
... itz not just me... 365M views in 5 years... nutZ...
The top comment (15k likes) on this YouTube vid is:
"My neighbors loved this song so much, they invited the cops."
I can echo that claim.