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Must Not Love Dogs
Advice

Everyone has a dealbreaker – that something that allows them to walk away from a relationship without a second glance. Maybe it's smoking, maybe it's drugs. There's probably someone who will refuse to date anyone that belongs to any given religion or political party, or who owns any animal. Maybe it's a quality that can be a little harder to determine at first glance, like bigotry.

Sometimes, however, our supposed dealbreakers can be a little more shallow. I can remember a time when I used to say, “I don't think I could ever be with someone who was completely tone-deaf. I think I would go crazy.” Thankfully, I never had to actually give up a relationship because of my declaration. But what if I had?

The fact of the matter is, no matter how much we think we know what we want, we have no idea what sort of package will contain a great match until it arrives. So why limit ourselves to silly ultimatums like, “She can't be a vegetarian” or “He can't like country music”?

I have a feeling that if I met a guy who was wonderful in almost every way I could think of, but couldn't carry a tune to save his life, I'd find a way to get past it. In fact, I might even come to love his tone-deaf squawking, if I love him. Actually, aside from core personality issues like the aforementioned bigotry, I can't think of many things I couldn't get past, under the right circumstances.

As you go about constructing your online dating profile, bear this in mind. Sure, it can be easy to come up with superficial dealbreakers on the fly; you're constructing your dream match, after all. But just as the whole “must have green eyes” thing is probably negotiable, so too are most of the dealbreakers. Be careful when you're actually putting your thoughts out there. A great person could be scared away because they think you'll never see past their 'dealbreaker' quality.

How To Avoid Married Matches Online: Part II
Tips

"Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling," warns Beatriz Avila Mileham, the online infidelity expert we consulted in the precursor to this article, "How To Avoid Married Matches Online." Sites like DiscreetAdventures.com and the infamous AshleyMadison.com have made extramarital affairs mainstream, but what do you do when a married man or woman is seeking out illicit extracurricular activity on a site that doesn't cater to it?

Here are a few more questions to ask yourself to determine if your potential sweetie is a keeper or a cheater:

• Do you know his or her last name? Protecting your privacy on the Internet is important, but if you've been chatting with someone for a while and have formed a bond that feels safe and genuine, exchanging full names is a logical step forward. If your match is unwilling to give you their name, particularly if you're already communicating via the phone and especially if you're considering meeting up in person, it might be a sign that they're hiding a second life and don't want you looking them up in the phonebook, finding them on Facebook, or searching their name on Google. Also be wary if you discover that someone has given you an alias online.

• Are you allowed to call him or her? Does your partner have a strict "Don't call me, I'll call you" policy? If so, your match might be married. A married person must schedule phone conversations around their married life, and cannot risk you calling at an inconvenient moment. Also consider where your date is calling you from (Is it ever a home number?), when your date calls (Is it always on their lunch break?), and whether their communication is consistent or unreliable.

• If you are allowed to call your date, does he or she ever pick up the phone? If you are constantly sent to voicemail, proceed with caution. Again, a married person can only conduct phone calls at specific convenient times, meaning that you will have to leave a message if you do not call during one of those ideal moments. Other signs that your match is being unfaithful to a spouse are: A) You frequently have to wait a long time before he or she is able to return your calls, and He or she is constantly full of excuses about being busy, forgetting to bring his or her mobile phone, or being in areas with poor reception.

• Is he or she extremely secretive even after going on multiple offline dates? In the early stages of a relationship, particularly one that begins online, it is expected that the parties involved will be hesitant to reveal certain important personal details about themselves. But if the relationship has lasted for a while and the connection is strong, and particularly if you have already shared a lot about yourself, it is reasonable to expect your partner to open up to you in return. Watch for warning signs like: your date is unwilling to discuss their past, avoids talking about their family and friends (or refuses to let you meet them), does not share information about where they live or work, and never invites you to their home.

Ultimately, the best way to avoid being the target of married affair-seekers is simple: use your intuition, and extricate yourself from any situation that makes you uncomfortable or suspicious.

How To Avoid Married Matches Online
Tips

Online dating, practical and effective though it is, can be a mixed bag at times. On most occasions, it's a great way for singles who are tired of, or unable to participate in, the traditional dating scene to meet, but in some instances, it can also be a convenient tool for dishonest married individuals to find additional partners. In fact, some research has shown that a third of people using online dating sites are married!

Beatriz Avila Mileham, a researcher who studied online infidelity at the University of Florida, offers the following reason for the troubling trend: "With cybersex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online dating liaison may even take place in the same room with one's spouse." To put it simply: men and women cheat online because it's easy.

So how do you avoid matches who are looking for extramarital flings when you're looking for a stable, long term relationship? Here are a few questions to ask that will help you identify cheating con men and women online:

• What do his or her pictures look like? If their pictures are so grainy or blurry that it's nearly impossible to make out any features of the subject, or if there aren't any pictures at all, consider moving on to greener, and more well photographed, pastures. Married people are frequently reluctant to post their photos online, for the obvious reason that they might be recognized by someone who knows them or their spouse.

• How consistently is he or she in contact with you? Married people have to devote time to their jobs, spouses, and potentially their children, which doesn't leave them a lot of free time to spend on online dating sites. If responses to your messages come on an extremely irregular basis, there's a chance that your match is leading a double life and must communicate with you in an erratic fashion in order to maintain secrecy.

• When you're ready to take things to the next level, will he or she exchange phone numbers with you? And what number is it? Married people will typically take your phone number, but are unwilling to share their phone number with you in return. If they do offer a number at which you can reach them, it is most likely a mobile phone number, as calling a workplace or their place of residence would be extremely risky. In most cases, you can rest assured that your match isn't married if A) They give you their contact info without any hesitation, and They give you their home phone number.

Most online dating users are likely to run into a philandering affair-seeker at some point during their online dating careers, so continue on to "How To Avoid Married Matches Online: Part II" for more tips on how to steer clear of these trouble-causing tricksters.

I Like You, Just As You Are
Advice

We all have something we'd like to change about ourselves. Maybe we have several somethings we'd like to change: our weight, that haircut that's growing out so slowly. Maybe it goes a little deeper, like we wish we were more brave and could try something new. That's okay; no one's perfect. But when it comes to your online dating profile, there's one large no-no: never apologize for who you are.

That's not to say you should brag about how wonderful you are (well, maybe just a little). But if there's something you're planning on changing – so much so that you want to bring it up on your profile – bring it up on your own terms. Don't be apologetic about it. Don't say, “I know I'm a little chubby, but I'm trying to work on that.” Try something like, “Recently I've joined a gym, and it feels great to have a healthier routine.” Instead of saying, “Trying new things is difficult for me, but I'm doing my best,” say, “Last month I joined a pottery class. I was nervous at first, but it's proven to be quite fun!”

The reader should be attracted to who you are, not who you promise you will be. And the first step in that direction is confidence about who you are, right now. Maybe you're not quite where you'd like to be, but that doesn't mean you're not good enough.

And remember: we are always pickier about ourselves – more often than not something that seems huge to us is much less significant to others. I once had a friend who was so keen to pick out a new picture for his profile now that he had lost 70 pounds. We went through his photos, and he realized two things: first, that it doesn't matter if you're thinner if you're scowling at the camera – a bad picture is a bad picture, and secondly, that his weight only affected his face minimally to begin with. Sure, he was much healthier now that he'd lost the weight, but it didn't affect how he looked in pictures all that much.

So when you're working on your online dating profile, be confident about who you are, not who you will become. Maybe actively working on things you want to change will be a confidence boost, like my friend and his weight. Still, ultimately, you need to be happy with yourself, faults and all. Everyone has them, and the person who ultimately falls in love with you will love you for the entire package, not just one aspect. Why can't you love yourself as well?

Breaking Up In The Digital Age: 5 Red Flags For Online Relationships

Online relationships, like all relationships, follow a natural cycle. A couple meets, starts to get to know each other, and if the connection is strong they begin dating and the relationship enters a blissful, problem-free "honeymoon period." But unfortunately, in most cases, the idyllic phase doesn't last, problems arise, and the couple finds itself faced with the dreaded final stage in the relationship cycle: the break up.

Many find it difficult to identify the signs that a relationship has run its course and needs to come to an end, while others are able to recognize the signs but choose to stay in spite of being unhappy, uncomfortable, or unsatisfied because they have difficulty coming to terms with the dissolution of their relationship and their impending singlehood. Taking the latter path is always unhealthy, and can potentially be dangerous when your relationship is conducted online. Be aware of the following five online romance red flags, and end your relationship immediately if you begin to experience any of them:

1. Lies & Discrepancies. Any relationship based on deception is doomed to failure, but dishonest online relationships have the potential to be twice as harmful due to the number of scammers and other criminals that search for victims on online dating sites. If you notice inconsistencies in the things your online partner says and does, or catch them being untruthful, it's in your best interest to play it safe and protect yourself by ending the relationship.

2. Excessive Anger. It's normal for partners in a relationship to vent their frustrations to each other, but taking this to an extreme is a sign of emotional and behavioral problems. If your cyber date is irrationally angry most of the time, particularly if their anger is directed at you, dissolve the relationship.

3. Any Feelings of Fear or Discomfort. If at any time you feel frightened, threatened, uncomfortable, or concerned about your safety, your online relationship must end immediately. There is a very good reason evolution has equipped humans with an effective fear response, so trust your gut instincts!

4. Controlling Behavior. Beware of online companions who place unreasonable demands on your time, attempt to control your activities and emotions, and try to dictate things like where you can go and who you are allowed to speak with. Abusive relationships online are just as dangerous and damaging as abusive relationships offline.

5. Stalking. Partners in an online romance, as well as those in traditional relationships, must never overstep the boundaries or exceed the personal comfort levels set forth by the participants. Tracking your actions online - or spying on you in person - is a clear signal that something is seriously wrong. The issue must be addressed as soon as possible to avoid ending up in an increasingly dangerous situation.

No one enjoys going through a break up, but remember that sometimes there is more than a broken heart at stake. Protect yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically by ending any online relationship immediately when these red flags appear.

The Truth about Using Online Criminal Background Checks

An online dating profile can tell you a lot about a person - Does she smoke? Does he want children? What are his hobbies? Where did she go to school? - but there are a few key things that you will probably never find in someone's profile, like arrest records, sex offender status, and financial history.

When you're meeting someone in person, things like body language, tone of voice, and pace of speech offer a lot of clues about the truthfulness of what your date is telling you. But when all of the information you know about someone has been gathered from the text of profiles, emails, and instant messaging conversations, it is much more difficult to determine if your date is being dishonest.

So how do you protect yourself from predators?

You could try asking something along the lines of "Hey, you don't happen to have a criminal record, do you?" but it's not the smoothest of pickup lines and I have a tiny hunch that most prospective dates would consider it a turn-off. Instead, I recommend a more subtle (and confidential!) approach: the online criminal background check.

A background check is the ideal way to discretely find out if someone you're interested in is a liar or a potential lover. If you find nothing suspicious, you haven't hurt your date's feelings or made them uncomfortable with the aforementioned awkward pickup line, and if you do find something that makes you nervous you still have time to walk away from the situation easily.

Some Web sites, like DateDetective.com, cater specifically to online dating, but most sites conduct general background checks on either a statewide or a nationwide level. FreeBackgroundChecksUSA.com, for instance, presents basic facts about each state (like population and largest city) as well as information on crime rates within the state. They also provide links to the National Sex Offender Registry, and places where you can find out more about criminal records, incarceration records, and court records.

SnoopStation.com offers a free option that takes you through a short questionnaire to determine exactly what information you'd like to acquire and what information you already have. If you know the person's name, you then have the option to search his or her criminal history, financial history (or occupational details), marital/relationship history, vital details (like name, age, and SSN), location, or to simply find out as much information as possible about the person. If you do not know the person's name, you can search using his or her phone number, address, email address, or Web site URL.

CriminalSearches.com is a very easy-to-use site that provides information using a simple system of symbols that puts offenses into several categories: Behavioral, Business, Drug & Alcohol, Sex Related, Theft/Robbery, Violent, and Traffic/Other. Like many other online background check sites, CriminalSearches.com offers basic information for free and redirects to a paid service for a more detailed report.

I recommend searching several different sites and comparing the results, to ensure the accuracy of their information. You can also check accuracy by running a search on your own name. If you ever find yourself worrying about the honesty of someone you've met online, don't hesitate to conduct a quick search on an online background check site. The old adage is true: better safe than sorry!

It's Not You, It's Me
Advice

“It's not you, it's me.” In some form or another, we've all heard this phrase – and some of us have probably used it once or twice. It's probably one of the most commonly-used themes in dating and breakups. But if you use it all the time, when does it become a sign that there's a deeper problem?

A friend of mine has been having trouble in love. She's found a good guy – a great guy, really. While Hollywood likes to portray men as commitmentphobes, she is actually the one who has resisted a good relationship. First she wondered if there was some secret the man was hiding, if he was literally too good to be true. She got to know him, and those fears were laid to rest.

Next she wondered if maybe she wasn't fully attracted to him – if some component was missing. That, however, all seems to be in order as well. Try as she might to find something lacking in this guy, my friend simply couldn't. And for a few weeks, she was happy.

Until they began discussing future plans. Some deep fear was triggered in my friend, and again she's having doubts. This time, though, she knows it can't be due to the man she's seeing – so she must be the one at fault. Maybe she's “just not feeling it.” In short, she's tried so hard to find a problem, she's decided she must be the problem.

And at this rate, maybe she's right. But I don't think the problem is that she's “just not feeling it” - I think it's that she's so afraid to be happy, so used to the never-ending hunt for the “perfect guy,” that the prospect of having actually found a good guy is somewhat unreal to her. Some part of her brain is afraid to relax, afraid to be happy. And unfortunately, if she can't sort out her heart, this guy is going to pay the price as well.

Will my friend be able to get it together, or is she really “just not feeling it”? Only she can truly answer that, and only time will tell. In the meantime, as you embark on your own first dates, think of your own hearts: are you simply trying to be cautious as you start a new relationship, or are you searching for problems that don't exist? Are you creating the "It's not you, it's me" situation?

Is Your Profile Balanced?
Advice

Often, when there's a problem with anything, it's because it's not balanced. Bike falling over? Balance problem. Gaining weight? Probably not a very balanced diet. Not balancing your partying with your eating and sleeping and working? You might run into problems.

Similarly, many online dating profiles have problems that come down to balance. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen profiles in which the writer gives next to no information about themselves, and then proceeds to write a novel about who they're looking for. Okay, sure, you might know you're everything the person is looking for... but why should you email them? What do they have to offer? Are they not telling you because they're ashamed? Or maybe they're one of those people in which the fault in a relationship always lies with someone else, and they think they're perfect? See, if there's not enough information, the imagination really gets going.

On the other end of the spectrum are the unbalanced people who spend little time in their profile on what they're looking for and the rest of it on Number One. Sometimes these can read like resumes, and not in a good way: “I can fix electronics! I'm handy around the house! I know how to cook! I've got good birthing hips!” This might get them some job offers, but it's hard to know if you're what they're looking for. In fact, it's hard to know if they're looking for anyone at all, or if they just decided to use the space to advertise what a great human being they are.

Oh, before I forget, there are those who are unbalanced in a third way: very little text, lots of sexy pictures. Vague statements that can be applied to anyone, like fortune cookies. These are probably, I'm sorry to say, not legitimate profiles. Beware.

The problem is that an online dating profile should be used as a baseline to test compatibility. You're not trying to sell yourself, and you're not trying to hire someone – you're trying to find a friend. And whether you know it or not, an unbalanced profile is sending one very large message: if the writing is one-sided, we probably wouldn't be able to have a good conversation, either. And thus, the reader moves on.

Luckily, checking for balance in your profile is something that's very simple to do. You don't even have to reread every word – just scan it for sections. Do you spend maybe two paragraphs on yourself and one on your dream match, or two on yourself and eight on your match? It doesn't have to be exactly equal, but you should be able to easily tell if something is off. Give it a try – bringing a little extra balance into your life could bring rewards.

Are You Falling In Love, Or Falling For A Scam?
Tips

On July 16, 2010, in Westchester County, New York, a man named Solomon Nasser pleaded guilty to a charge of third-degree grand larceny, after stealing nearly $200,000 over a course of three years.

His victims were women he'd met through online dating services. Nasser won the trust and admiration of his targets by claiming to be an advisor to President George W. Bush, a high-ranking official in the Department of Defense, and a Navy admiral, among other things. He would then mention that he was having financial difficulties as a result of legal issues, and subsequently would ask for loans to cover his living expenses.

Now that his online dating scam has been exposed, Nasser has been ordered to pay restitution, and faces up to seven years in prison.

It's a tragic story, but there have been many others just like it. The Internet is a wonderful tool for finding love, but falling in love means letting your guard down, and letting your guard down online can sometimes mean disaster. Most online dating sites do not perform background checks or other verification procedures on new members, and the sites that do claim to take precautions such as these are frequently not able to perform the services effectively. It's up to you, then, to protect yourself against online criminals.

Beware of the following four widespread scams when looking for love online:

1. Phone calls that will cost you a fortune. Dial with caution. Calling certain phone numbers will cause charges of hundreds of dollars to appear on your next phone bill. Only contact numbers with area codes you recognize or - better yet - use a VOIP client like Skype so that your personal phone number remains private and require interested members to contact you.

2. Fake profiles. Steer clear of profiles with sexually explicit usernames, profile pictures, and written content. They are almost always sex workers looking for paying clients, not people looking for dinner-and-a-movie dates with potential love matches.

3. Lies about long-distance love. One of the major advantages of online dating is that it allows you to connect with individuals all over the world, but the Internet's global reach can also make it a dangerous place to meet people. Scammers in foreign countries often build rapport with victims and then ask for money for airfare so that they can meet their "dates" in person. Never offer to pay for someone's travel expenses - odds are, you will stop hearing from them as soon as the money is transferred.

4. The Nigerian scam. Also known as the 419 fraud, this is a classic Web-based con that can be found almost everywhere online. In comes in many guises, but typical manifestations of the scam involve a person posing as a government or bank employee (or someone related to such a person) and making requests like:

• Asking to transfer a large sum of money into your bank account.

• Offering to pay you to cash checks and send them the money.

• Appealing to you to help a dying person give his money to charity.

Do not ever send money to or accept money from someone on an online dating site, no matter how safe it seems.

You can't always protect a vulnerable heart from being broken, but you can protect a vulnerable bank account from being the victim of an online scam.

Letting The Shoes Fall Where They May
Advice

I've been thinking a lot, lately, about the words and phrases we use in everyday life, and how they inevitably shape our expectations as we set out looking for love. Here's one that surprised me when I realized it: the somewhat cynical tone we get when we talk about established relationships.

I'm not talking about embittered single people – I mean everyone, from the people who've been married for decades to the twelve-year-old that hasn't yet dated. Talk about an established relationship, and we all start making dire predictions:

“When the honeymoon's over...” “Sure, he seems great now, but give it time, and all those things you love about him will be annoying habits you wish he'd break!” “The old ball and chain...” “When the magic wears off...” “I give them two years...” “When the infatuation wears off, that's when the real work begins!” “A good relationship is hard work.”

Gee, seems like fun! While most of these admonitions are probably designed to keep someone's head on their shoulders and their feet on the ground, in reality I've met a whole bunch of people who get into a good relationship and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop. When does the “real work” begin? Here's a habit I find mildly annoying... will it drive me insane ten years down the road?

I'm just another person, with just another opinion, but here's my take: the real work is finding, and recognizing, that great person. Will they be perfect? No – no human being is. And that's okay – you're not perfect either. Every person will do something that grates on you once in awhile. If your person's annoying tendencies are occasional, or just plain livable (ie, you can cope with squeezing from the middle of the toothpaste, you can't live with a racist), well then, there's no real problem. Any annoyance can be discussed with good communication.

Another random tip? Stay out of the sections of greeting card stores that basically do nothing but bash the opposite sex or the significant other. Some sitcoms do a pretty good job of this too. Once we stop thinking that genders come from different planets, we become a lot more willing to listen and figure out solutions.

In my opinion, a good relationship shouldn't be hard work. It takes maintenance – that is, constant communication, but is that really all that bad? Your significant other is the one you turn to when the rest of the world is rough; they're not the opposing team. And maybe it's possible, if you find the right person, the other shoe won't drop – ever.

You Can't Wrap Your Heart In Bubble-Wrap
Advice

One of the hardest parts of dating is the gamble that it might not work. To a certain extent, dating is a numbers game; it's unlikely that every single date will work out and lead to a happily ever after (and if it did, I'd be asking you why you continue to go on new dates!). We address this concern in popular culture; we try to make it obvious that not every date, or even every relationship, will work out – I know I've seen more than my share of merchandise with “cute” sayings about kissing many frogs before you meet a prince. Still, the knowledge that it's just “part of dating” doesn't take the sting out.

But maybe it shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't try to immunize ourselves from the emotions brought about by meeting new people, people that could potentially be lifelong friends or more. Because if you're going to put yourself through dating, with all its ups and downs, why go halfway? Do you want to be caught with one foot out the door when you actually meet someone worthwhile?

Or perhaps the question should be: if you're not completely present, mind, body and soul, at a first date, will you even recognize a good thing if you see it? Imagine: you're someone who's had a fair amount of unsuccessful relationships, and even more unsuccessful first dates. Will you be spending your time listening to your date, determining if you really are compatible? Or, perhaps, you'll be trying to figure out what's “wrong” with your date before you're caught unawares. The slightest imperfections in your date become magnified, so that in case things go wrong you can tell yourself, “Well, I could never be with someone with such a large forehead, anyway.”

Taking the latter approach might save your feelings in the short run – but have you really come out ahead? What if there actually was nothing “wrong” with your date? What if you become so concerned about protecting your heart that you miss a chance to share it?

So maybe not all first dates and relationships work out. Maybe there's a sting every now and then – it's part of life. Don't let yourself become so numb that you miss out on something great.

Dating Mistakes Men Make

I can't pick on the ladies without pointing out some of the mistakes men make while dating. Guys...if you've found yourself attracted to a woman only to have the relationship fizzle after the first or second date, there may be something you're overlooking. Instead of getting stuck in an endless cycle of first dates, it's time to make some positive changes to improve your dating life.

Following are some mistakes to consider and avoid:

Are you cheap? Most girls don't expect you to wine and dine them at expensive restaurants on the first date unless they are high-maintenance or looking for rich guys. However, men do score points for being chivalrous as well as generous. Don't examine the bill to split it down to the penny, or leave too small a tip. Offer to pick up the tab without wincing, especially on a first date. If things go well, you'll have plenty of chances for her to reciprocate.

Do you act nervous or insecure? This is a first date after all! There's nothing to lose, so try to relax and be yourself. Women are attracted to confident men, and we are most confident when we're comfortable. If you're feeling unsure, take her to a place you go often, so that you can feel relaxed in the setting.

Do you come across as arrogant? If you start listing off all of your business successes, houses, and exotic vacations in the first fifteen minutes of the date hoping to impress her, it will backfire. Women don't like to hear a list of reasons why they should date you; they like to feel a connection. Instead of listing all your assets to win her heart, engage her in conversation. Ask her about herself and what she loves to do, and let the conversation flow.

Are you bringing your baggage to the date? Don't start the date with stories about your crazy ex, or bad dating experiences in general. If you're still bitter or hung up on an ex, she will pick up on it. Plus, who wants to hear about an ex on the first date? Remember, you are meeting her for the first time, so leave your own hang-ups at the door to give a new relationship a chance to begin.

Looking for a Friend, Not a Clone
Advice

I recently heard that there are dating sites that match up couples based on their taste in books. While this sounds compelling, the first thought I had was, “What about all those fans of romance novels?”

The truth is, we are all multi-layered individuals with many interests. Some of those interests are incredibly niche, and some of them even tend to fall along gender lines. While it's certainly possible to find men who like romance novels and women who like military science fiction, it's not easy.

So what does that mean when we're filling out our online dating profiles? Should we censor ourselves? Should we produce a more distilled, generic version of ourselves?

Well, no. However, since we have a wide range of interests, it can't hurt to double-check that we're not only listing the difficult, niche ones. Maybe you like military science fiction, but you also like Star Wars. It's going to be much easier to find another Star Wars fan. Or maybe you're a woman with a weakness for chick flicks – well, you might find men who have one as well, but the movies have acquired that term for a reason. Don't hold your breath.

Remember, it's okay if you don't match up in every single interest. If you do wind up in a long-term relationship, eventually you're going to want your own space, your own interests. It might be fun to have a partner with whom to attend that comic book convention – but you might be just as happy leaving the partner at home and going with a friend.

Maybe you're holding out hope that you find that one person who loves military science fiction as much as you do. It's perfectly acceptable to include it in your profile; I would just make sure there's other, more popular interests as well. As an alternative, you could list “science fiction,” and list a few specific favorites that would appeal to the military buff, while still leaving the door open for other kinds of sci-fi.

So as you're proofreading your online dating profile, ask yourself: are your interests too niche? Do you have a balance that reflects who you are, but that others can relate to? Remember, part of meeting friends is finding what you have in common, not simply listing who you are.

De-Stress Your Relationship
Advice

The Huffington Post recently published an article that discusses how you can use your relationship as a de-stressing tool. Seriously? We all usually think of relationships as a cause of stress, not a relief. However, the article talks about some behaviors that we can incorporate into our day-to-day to lower stress and improve our relationships simultaneously.

We're "pair bonders," says the article. It means we register those affectionate touches and physical contact from our partners as signs of affection and approval, thus lowering stress. We have higher levels of stress when we feel as if we're not "approved" or liked. So why not spend some time with your partner holding hands, snuggling on the couch and getting close? Add hugs back into your routine and hold hands. How often we forget to do these things? Well, stop forgetting! The article indicates that touch is one of the best stress relievers possible. Smiling also reduces cortisol, the stress hormone. Hey - smiling is easy, right?

You can also de-stress your relationship with eye contact, comforting words and kissing. This all seems kind of like a no-brainer, doesn't it? The essence of the article is that we should be using our relationships as points of de-stressing instead of origins of stress. If we took the time of out the day to focus on intimacy with our partners, including physical contact, verbal and non-verbal communication and simple acts of kindness, it offers two-way benefits: not only do we start spending more loving time with our partners (which improves our relationship) but we lower the stress in our life, making us a better partner through and through!

The article does warn, however, to engage in a period of more loving behavior for a period of three weeks, Longer could dampen the senses to these affectionate displays and negate the good vibes you're building. That's not to say you should switch to "mean." It's just a word of warning that too much of a good thing can indeed be too much!

Texting Rules for Daters
Tips

Texting is fast becoming the primary means of communication between two daters. Phone calls take too much time, and emailing seems to be as archaic as sending a letter through the mail. Texting is efficient and timely, and requires little effort. What's not to like?

Unfortunately, texting leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding. Before you hit the send button next time, consider the following:

DON'T text when you are drunk or angry. If you are drunk, you'll likely say things you wouldn't normally say and create unnecessary drama or confusion. If you are angry, pick up the phone and talk it out. It's difficult to communicate a point effectively in 10 words, and will only lead to more of a mess.
DON'T avoid breaking bad news by texting instead of calling. Sure, it's difficult to have the "break-up" conversation, or to tell someone you can't make it to see her, but pick up the phone to deliver the news rather than texting. When you text bad news it shows a lack of courtesy and respect.

DO text before a first date to confirm that you are on your way, or where and when you are meeting. It's nice to keep your date posted if you are stuck in traffic or saving a table at a restaurant. It shows your interest as well.

DO respond quickly to a text. Most people have their phones with them all the time, so they are likely to question your interest if you don't respond with a simple text right away. By the same token, DON'T text someone again if they do not respond to your text. If you send the "are u there??" messages, it makes you look a little desperate and they will be even less likely to respond.

DON'T have long conversations over text. If you want to ask someone how they are doing it's acceptable. But if you want to go back and forth about politics or religion, it's probably best to do over the phone or in person.

Texting is a convenient form of communication, but it shouldn't be the only way you interact with your dates. Remember, it is meant to be brief and easy.

A Skill That's Not So Useless
Advice

Using an online dating site can be a lifesaver for the particularly shy, or for those who find it easier to express themselves through writing. No longer is the first impression based entirely on a single skill that might not be their best! They can play to their strengths first.

However, there always comes the inevitable day when a face-to-face meeting is necessary. For many, it's as though all the work on the dating site is erased; they feel the first-impression jitters all over again. And really, maybe they're right to be a little nervous; despite the best connections online, it's the chemistry in person that will make the strongest impression.

So, if you're painfully shy or you trip over your tongue, how can you best prepare for those first in-person meetings? The answer is simple: practice. Perhaps, for some, their shyness is truly a life-long problem, but for others it's simply that they've gotten out of practice. The Internet has made it possible to even order and pay for a pizza online; human interaction is reduced to the bare minimum.

'Practice' does not mean approaching members of the opposite sex cold and asking them out. Rather, start small; strike up a conversation with a postal worker, a checkout girl, an old man in the voting lines. Practice, literally, making small talk. Any new meeting, no matter how intense the online connection, will start with some amount of small talk. It's a handy skill to have.

Once you're comfortable chatting with people for whom you have no romantic interest, try bumping it up a notch. Ask an attractive person for directions, or if they know where to find the ketchup in the grocery store. Don't expect anything to come out of this tiny encounter; you're simply honing your skills.

With diligent practice, you'll feel more confident in any social situation, even the dreaded first encounter. And who knows? You might even become so skilled that you skip the Internet altogether!

Online Dating: Five Easy Ways to Get Started Today
Tips

Your friends are bugging you to get out of the house and go do something. They don't understand why you're single. They've told you to try online dating, but you have no idea where to begin! Stop sweating the process and put yourself out there once and for all. It doesn't take much to get started in the world of online dating - it just takes about 30 minutes, a friend, and a sense of humor. Ready? Set...DATE!

Online Dating Tip #1: Pick a Site - ANY Site!

There are so many online dating sites to choose from that it can be daunting to have to choose ONE (we know!). Choose one of the main ones like Match.com, Matchmaker or Date.com. Once you get familiar in these types of sites, you can start to explore the more specific ones that target certain cultures or lifestyles. But to get yourself going, keep it simple and go with one of the major players in the online dating arena.

Online Dating Tip #2: Fill Out Your Profile - COMPLETELY

This is why we're telling you to pick only one online dating site to start with. Profiles take time to complete and you want to be as thorough as possible. If you're a terrible typist, enlist the help of a keyboard wiz friend to help you through the profile building process. You can talk while they type and thus speed the process along. However - don't discount the value of a completely filled-out profile. It lets those searching know that you care enough about the dating process to put in the effort. Nothing but upside!

Online Dating Tip #3: Snap a Photo

It's OK if it's one in front of your computer - just make sure it's recent and clear! This is why we recommend that you start the online dating profile process with a buddy (because those self-portrait shots are SOOO awesome). Do your best to try and put up at least three different shots in your profile but don't take them all in front of the closet door. Try different rooms, a different shirt or head to your local park. If you can, make one a bit goofy - it shows you're human!

Online Dating Tip #4: Set Up a Special Email Account

Don't send your online dating emails to your regular personal or work email account. Go to Hotmail, Yahoo! or Gmail and set up an account specifically for your online dating site communications. This does a couple different things. It keeps you from being distracted during your work day, it prevents the inadvertent release of your private or work account to someone and it keeps your regular inbox clear of messages until you're ready to look at them.

Online Dating Tip #5: Invest!

It takes time to get into the swing of the online dating scene, so if you don't invest the time, you're unlikely to see any results. It's not unlike retirement. If you don't put money away, you won't have any! So check your email and messages regularly, perform new searches, look at new profiles. You're telling yourself that it's AOK to be where you are and be in search of someone to add to your life. People like that don't fall from the sky - engage, have a dialogue, and know that everyone you have coffee with isn't going to be a prince or princess. That makes finding the special one all the more special, though!

Online Dating Etiquette
Tips

Whether you've been online dating for a while or are new to the game, I'd like to offer a few suggestions to make your experience as smooth and enjoyable as possible. Following are some tips to help you be courteous and respectful of fellow online daters, so that you can improve your experience as well as attract more like-minded matches.

Check your account on a regular basis. There is nothing more frustrating than emailing someone who interests you and not hearing again for weeks. If you know that you will be busy or unavailable for a period of time, let your matches know by posting this in your profile. This way, people know when to expect you back online and communication doesn't just fade away.
Respond to all emails in a timely way, even from people you don't care to meet. If someone took the time to email you, it is the courteous thing to respond quickly (less than 3 days). If you don't care to meet them, send an email to let them know in a polite way, "thanks but no thanks". Closure is the respectful thing to do.
State your intentions. Most sites allow for you to classify what type of relationship you are looking for, so use this feature. If you're only looking to casually date, don't state that you are interested in a long-term relationship. If you are looking to marry, don't state that you are looking for fun and friendship. Honesty is the necessary ingredient of any relationship.
Don't mass email. If you see several profiles that interest you, don't blast off a generic email to all of them at the same time, hoping to get some response. Most people can spot these emails quickly, and tend to delete them before responding. If you are interested in someone, take the time to write a thoughtful email that mentions something he or she wrote in her profile. You are more likely to get a positive response.
Start off slow. Sure, you might feel inspired to join four sites at the same time, but will you have follow through? Instead of spreading yourself too thin and leaving a lot of emails unanswered, try joining one site, and then slowly adding others as your schedule permits.

Cougar?
Advice

It's no surprise that when you take the plunge and email someone from an online dating website, occasionally you get a response from someone utterly lacking tact, grace, or good sense. I recently heard about one email, however, that made my jaw drop.

A woman decided to email several men that caught her eye (always a good thing – more women need to do first-contact emailing, really). One of them apparently wasn't interested – but rather than letting the email go unanswered, or sending back a “thanks, but no thanks,” he said this: “I don't date cougars.” The woman was 38. The man was 34.

There are several things wrong with this picture. First, I'll address the most obvious: a four-year difference, regardless of gender, is not a cradle-robbing situation when both parties are over the age of twenty. Maybe the guy has a problem with dating someone older, period; that's his prerogative, but his personal hang-up doesn't make her an old lady. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that if a 30-year-old woman emailed him, he wouldn't consider himself an old man.

Then there's the second problem: someone clearly forgot the Golden Rule where you treat others as you would like to be treated. Who wants a snide response from anyone, ever? Now, maybe women don't email first as often; maybe this man is not used to sending rejection emails. That's no excuse for forgetting basic good manners.

It's a sad probability that you will occasionally run into uncouth buffoons on the Internet, same as anywhere else. The important thing to remember is that those occasional bad apples should not dissuade you from meeting new people; they're the exception, not the norm. And, regardless of gender, when you compose your next rejection email, remember that we've all had them. Write one you'd like to receive.

Tiger Woods Mistress gets cast in a Reality TV Dating Show
TV Shows

Just when you thought TV couldn't get any worse, it does. There is a new dating TV reality show is in the works and waitress Jaimie Grubbs, a former mistress of Tiger Woods, will be part of the cast. She will team up with other celebrity mistresses who are looking for true love in this new show. The title of this reality show and other programming details has yet to be released.

He never called back. Now what?
Advice

You met him in line at Starbucks last week, and the chemistry was intense. You exchanged numbers and two days later, found yourselves at a romantic restaurant swapping seductive glances over wine and pasta.

Excited about the possibility of this new relationship, you hastily called him a day later to plan your next date. He didn’t pick up the phone, so you left a message, asking him to call you back.

He never called back.

You may be agonizing over why…things were going so well, and there was so much chemistry. You may wonder what you did wrong. The short answer to that is: likely, you did nothing wrong. There are many reasons that guys do not call back, so the next time you find yourself in this position, remember the following:

• You were probably not the only girl he was dating. Many guys date several girls at the same time, but when they meet one that really holds their interest, the other girls drop off the radar. Better you find out early on rather then when you were already invested. Besides, unless you’re exclusive, you both are allowed to date around.

• He just got out of a relationship. Some guys date on the rebound after ending a long-term relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, but it may explain his erratic behavior. If he senses that you might want something more, he is likely to steer clear.

• Maybe the fireworks weren’t there after all. Sure, you may have left swooning over him, but maybe the feeling wasn’t mutual. Though he should call and let you know that he’s “just not that into you”, remember that he might not feel comfortable breaking the news to you, and so he just doesn't respond.

• The ex is in the picture. Perhaps he broke up with his ex, but she was still hanging around the periphery of the relationship, and called him again just when he met you.

Whatever the case, don’t take it personally. You wouldn’t want to date a man who was not in a place to move forward in a relationship with you. Time to let it go and move on to the next.

What Men Want
Advice

Men are confusing creatures. Sometimes they don’t think they even know what they are looking for. But, based on my dating experience, I’ve realized men look for four things in a woman: Beauty, Brains, Body, and Balance.

Beauty

Men are visual. This means that they fall in love through their eyes. The first thing a man notices about a woman is her physical beauty. So, now that you have this information, use it wisely. Do everything you can to look your personal best. No matter how old or young you are, all you need is a little effort to be beautiful.
Remember, your wardrobe is an important part of who you are. You have to dress the part of who you want to be. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, dress with class. Men treat you the way you tell them to. If you let them walk all over you, they will! If you make them chase you, they will! That being said, you don’t have to dress like a nun. Of course it’s okay to show some skin, but you don’t need to have everything on full display.

Royal Weddings: What Can They Teach Us About Dating?
Tips

It's all over the news that the world may need to prepare for another royal wedding. The last one of epic proportion was of Lady Diana to Prince Charles. This time? Their son, Prince Edward, to the lovely Kate Middleton. We've heard the horror stories after the split of both Charles and Diana and Phillip and Fergie...so what's so enchanting about yet another royal marriage?

The Duchess of York (aka Fergie) came forward this past week and offered some advice for the young Kate Middleton. So this week, we're going to talk to you about what royal weddings can teach us about dating!

Royal Wedding Relationship Tip #1: Make Time
Fergie advised Kate to make time for her marriage, something she didn't do. In fact. Fergie states that she and Prince Phillip only spent 40 days together during their first five years of marriage. WOW! I don't know about you, but I'm heartsick when my better half is gone on business for two weeks...I can't fathom 40 days in five years.

Some tips for making time when the busy schedules of two lovers collide:

Date night: Have one day a week where it's just the two of you. You can do anything you like, from sit on the couch at home to go out for a movie. It's your night! By mutually agreeing to shared time, you're agreeing to give yourself what you need as a couple - time together.
Turn off the phones: Cell phones, Blackberrys, iPhones...disconnect. The world goes on even when you don't answer a call and you just might find there's someone even more interesting sitting in front of you.
Royal Wedding Relationship Tip #2: There's Something to Be Said for Private Time
We all have visions of celebrity - what would it be like to live like that? For one thing, "you time" would be pretty hard to come by. Just think - it's not the moments you spend with others that deepen the level of intimacy you share with your partner. It's the quirky and quiet alone time.

Sneaking a kiss in the kitchen, holding hands when you sit down to watch a movie on a Thursday night, sharing a bowl of ice cream with two spoons and watching him drizzle Magic Shell onto each spoonful. Those are the moments you can't replace or replicate in the public eye. While business dinners and events attended together may make it seem like you're spending gobs of time together, are you really bonding or communicating? Don't for get to take "you time."

Royal Wedding Relationship Tip #3: There are Always More than Two People in a Relationship
If you have children, heavens - this, you know! But even if you aren't planning on spending the rest of your life with someone with kids, you can't ignore that when you marry someone, you're marrying their family as well. The royal family is a perfect example. Imagine marrying the heir to the throne of England, now imagine how your girlfriend's dad gets on your nerves with his bird watching stories. Is there any comparison? There's nothing wrong with spending part of your dating process getting to know your better half's family.

We're all dysfunctional to a certain extent (and some more than others), but why not pave the road for a successful life-long relationship with the entire family by putting in some together time with the entire brood? What's the worse that could happen? You leave a weekend or dinner laughing about how you and your date's mom will never see eye to eye? You find that your date's dad might be your new best friend? Honestly - there's a value in family. Everyone's got their quirks, so it's best to get a head start on figuring them out!

The Top Mistakes Women Make On A Date

No one is perfect. If we were all flawless, dating wouldn’t be as fun. I know I make a million mistakes on dates and I share them with my girlfriends so we can all laugh about them afterwards. Half the fun of dating is the stories you get to tell your friends.

1. Stay Away From Your Phone

The biggest mistake women make on a date is using their cell phones. When you’re on a date, your cell phone should stay in your bag. A guy doesn't want to sit across from you if you’re on your phone the entire time. He wants your full attention.

2. No One Cares About Your Ex

Sometimes women talk about their ex-boyfriends too much. You’re in the present, so focus on it. Your date wants to learn about you, he doesn’t care about your ex-boyfriends. If you want a future with someone, avoid bringing up your previous relationships.

3. Don’t Eat Like A Bird

When you go on a date, don’t order a salad. Men like women who enjoy eating. An appetite is sexy. When you order a salad on a date, you send out the wrong signal. Salads are like beans. They’re okay to eat when you’re alone or with a friend, but not on a date.

Top 10 Ways To Be Comfortable in Any Situation
Advice

Being comfortable in any situation will allow you to have fun wherever you are. The number one way to be at ease is to be confident. No matter who you are or where you are, men pick up on confidence. If you walk into a room feeling like a million dollars, people will notice you.

You have to constantly have a smile on your face. Think of a smile like your wallet. When you leave your home you wouldn’t walk out without your wallet. So, don't go anywhere without your smile.

It is important to have a sense of style. You should be dressed as if you are a celebrity. If you were famous, you would never leave the house unless you look your absolute best. The same goes for any social situation you find yourself in. The minute you walk outside your front door, you should look like a superstar.

The next thing to keep in mind is to be polite. No one likes a rude person. You should always be nice to others because people will recognize it. If you are exceptionally polite, you will be complimented on your kindness.

To ensure that you feel at ease in any situation, make sure you are positive. No one wants to be around a Debbie downer. If you are optimistic and have good energy, others will want to be around you. Remember, everyone enjoys being surrounded by happy people.

Good posture is something that is often forgotten. You should always stand up straight to show you are proud of yourself. You own your body, so let everyone know that it’s yours. Do you ever see a person with great posture and think they look very elegant? Well if you are mindful of your posture, you can be that person too!

In addition to your natural beauty, your brain is an important part of you. You should have conversations about subjects you are familiar with. Show off your knowledge. Both men and women are attracted to intelligent people. Wisdom is sexy.

Femininity is another quality that men love. Keep in mind that masculinity is not attractive. If you are gentle and soft spoken, you will stand out in a crowd.

Another way to ensure that you feel comfortable in any situation is to make a friend. Women will be your best friend if you let them. Go up to a woman and compliment her on her lipstick or shoes. Ask her where she bought them and I guarantee she will want to be your friend.

Last but not least, wittiness can add to your comfort level. Humor is a characteristic that is appreciated in every culture. If you tell a funny joke and someone overhears it, they will want to talk to you. If you want to be comfortable in any situation, be funny. Everyone loves funny.

Waiting for Prince Charming
Advice

One of the things that drives me crazy is when people say, on their online dating profiles or their blogs, that they're “waiting for their Prince Charming” or “waiting for their fairy tale to begin.” Women are not the only ones guilty of this; some men apparently can't wait to find their “damsel in distress.” Let's think about what we're really saying when we bring up fairy tales, shall we?

Usually, the women in fairy tales are pretty helpless. Think about the beginning of the cartoon version of Snow White – the first and prototypical animated princess: she literally swoons around and sings about how she's waiting for her Prince Charming, that he'll find her. She does not need to search for him; she's a princess, he can come to her.

It doesn't stop with her; virtually every traditional fairy tale princess has to be helped out of some awful situation, whether it's a bad home life or an evil witch (or both). Rarely do they make any move to help themselves. So when a girl says she wants to be “swept off her feet,” whether she realizes it or not, she's saying she wants to have her partner do all the work in the relationship, and she's waiting for the perfect guy to fall out of the sky and into her lap.

There are some guys for whom this is perfectly acceptable; they're eager to battle dragons to win their fair maiden. So let's think about that: how is a partnership equal if one person is a prize? At best, it's putting one member of the relationship on a pedestal; at worst, it's treating them like property.

Now, not all people who speak of fairy tales actually mean any of this – we've been raised hearing these common phrases as ways of describing romance and true love. For most they're generic phrases that are used to describe the excitement and “magic” or romance. Even under the best circumstances, however, they're trite and overused.

So when you construct or edit your profile, ask yourself: do you need fairy tales to describe what you're looking for? No offense to the Brothers Grimm, but I think we're all a little more creative than that.

Communication: What Assumptions Rule Your Relationships?
Tips

The Los Angeles divorce of Frank and Jamie McCourt is well publicized, as is their exceptional wealth and key point of contention: they're arguing over who owns the Los Angeles Dodgers. He always assumed the team was his and she always assumed half was hers. It's a $700 million dollar point of contention and a recent Huffington Post article cites the varying dangers of assumptions that we all deal with in the land of relationships. An overwhelmingly powerful read, the article brilliantly articulates the widespread issue of assumptions and how we deal with those assumptions in relationships. Causes, effects and consequences based on these assumptions create chain reactions in love and life. If you don't know what to look for, you could be ending something as soon as it begins.

Unstated Assumptions: When you begin spending time around someone, you get impressions. You had a date, you're going out on Thursday, he's going to pick up the tab. Possible misunderstandings are around every corner and through effective communication, you minimize those unstated assumptions as they become shared understandings. Talk, talk, talk - it's the road to relationship redemption! Just think about matchmaking services and online dating sites - you're shopping for similarities and understand in advance what someone shares with you. There's less ground for assumption and a better ground for understanding.

Shared Perceptions are Earned and Not Assumed: If couples fail to talk about assumptions, it's breeding ground for conflict. Communication is the conduit for minimizing the effect that assumptions can have on your relationship. Those are assumptions that every relationship faces. However, as a relationship progresses, couples begin to operate "on the same page." This is through effective communication.

Violated Assumptions: All relationships inevitably proceed with some assumptions. When someone in the relationship violates one of those assumptions, however, it causes both partners to evaluate how they see the other person moving forward. It's a time to reassess, evaluate and begin communicating so as to prevent future misunderstandings on the same issue.

Bias - it Happens: According to the article, assumptions happen and they tend to skew in a self-serving direction. In other words, the things we assume are more likely to consider ourselves first and our partners second. As with the McCords above, they both feel "Of course I own the Dodgers! How could you think otherwise?" Consistent and open lines of communication go miles towards preventing the dangers that bias presents in the inevitable land of assumptions.

Room for Adjustment: One of the biggest benefits to communication is the "room to move" effect. By consistently communication, a couple can make adjustments along the way and continually hone their relationship. This minimizes the dangers assumptions present along the way. More in-tune couples discuss deeper issues while those with lesser communication skills tend to avoid them and stick with the non-interactive world do assumptions. Is it easier to build a relationship where there's an ongoing dialogue or one that hits a terminal point and you're left with attorneys tasked with sorting out the tangled web of assumptions you've built along the way?

At first, it may seem daunting or even unmanly to talk about things that are important to you in a relationship beyond where you're going to sit at the ball game on Saturday. There's nothing undignified about establishing grounds for being able to talk to one another. The more communicating you get used to doing as a couple, the better off you'll be in the long run. And remember: talking is different than communicating. We talk all day long. It's the conversations that matter and involve a sharing of ideas instead of just a superficial-level agreement or disagreement that will go miles towards propelling your relationships down a path of success instead of one destined for conflict.

Friends Under Pressure
Advice

If someone tells me they've got an online dating profile, I don't bat an eye. Of course they do! If they're single, I all but expect it. It's just another sensible way to meet new people, after all. And to me – and most of the people I know – there is no stigma whatsoever.

It would appear that most of society is catching up as well – articles are published every day about the increasing number of online dating site memberships. However, there's always someone who falls a little behind the curve; someone who still thinks online dating is “weird” or “scary.” It's easy to ignore it when it's a parent or someone who's not even single; but what do we do when it's a single friend?

It's a fine line to walk. Resisting online dating for no good reason might seem ridiculous to someone who's been comfortable with the idea for a long time. At that point, it becomes easy to get overenthusiastic about online dating, to exert peer pressure or even use a condescending tone. Those are not the ways to convert anyone to anything. I have heard more than person say, “Online dating, ugh. Not a day goes by when there's not a friend bugging me about joining.”

It gets worse if your friend is newly single, or frustrated with the local dating scene; your friend might be feeling defensive or sensitive before the conversation even gets going. So how to promote online dating without becoming overwhelming?

In short, don't make online dating a big deal. It might be the best thing that's ever happened to you, but for someone who already has reservations, setting up online dating as something exotic and new – even in a positive sense – could make them shy away.

Simply mention in passing, “Well, this has been working for me, so there's another option.” You can give one or two sites that have worked for you, maybe offer to help them get started, nonchalantly – and that's it. If they're interested, they'll ask questions, sooner or later. Some people have to arrive at decisions in their own time. It's great to share what works for you, but giving a single friend some space, allowing the decision to be theirs, will make them more pro-active when they finally do decide to give online dating a try. And you will have avoided becoming the friend that bugs them.

O Magazine Speaks: How to Recover from a “Prince Harming”
Tips

Everyone's heard about Sandra Bullock's devastating journey as she moves on from the cheating man who left her heart by the curb. Many of us have been there, so what do you do when your Price Charming turns out to be a Prince Harming? O Magazine recently published an inspiring article that helps men and women alike get through what's not only a brutal time, but one that's a great ground for rebuilding and reveling in who you are and what you bring to the table.

Celebrate YOU. When someone's violated your trust, why not take the time to focus on who you are and what you have to offer? The decision to cheat is one person's and one alone. You can't control their decisions and you can't make the situation to go away. Sit down and make a list of all the things you have going for you and remember that they're all great things!

Trade Anger for Inspiration. Instead of spending your time being angry at the person who violated your trust, look at the bright side. NOW you know who they are. NOW you can focus your energy on finding someone who's worthy of your time and affections. NOW you have a world of love waiting for you when the right person comes along!

What You Learned Versus What You Lost. You learned something in that bad relationship, so why not celebrate it? Take all the warning signs and use them as markers as you move forward. By gathering up all of those points of learning, you're putting yourself in the position to avoid the same mistakes with a new partner. You can also recognize warning signs early on that your Prince Charming might not be all they seem.

Be Proud of Yourself. No one deserves a Prince Harming and you've placed yourself in a position where you can move on with your life. It's a difficult decision to end a relationship so be proud of your ability to dig deep and decide to move on.

Don't Be Jealous - Take Notes!
Advice

When you're single, it's easy to be critical of the relationships around you. How many times have you been at a wedding and heard the mutterings of “I'll give them five years”? (No one, I'm the only one acquainted with such terrible people? Great.) It's easy to look at a couple, shake your head and say, “I have no idea why they're together.” Much harder is observing a couple and noting what they're doing right. However, it's that very skill that could be vital to our own future relationships.

How do we know how to behave in long-term relationships? How do we know what's “normal” or acceptable? How do we gain the skills to navigate something like a marriage? Well, a major part of it is observing other long-term relationships: our parents, our grandparents, our siblings.

Here's the thing, though: we don't all have elders that have successful marriages. In fact, it's equally as likely that we don't. So if we can't look to our parents for a good example of a long-term relationship, what do we do?

We pay attention to the relationships around us that do seem to be working, and we take note of what makes them tick.

Sometimes we get unfortunate surprises – that couple that seemed just picture-perfect turns out to have a toxic relationship under the surface, or there are compromises made that are just too extreme for you. Just as frequent, however, are the interesting insights – that fighting can be okay if it's really just communication at top-volume. Longevity is certainly a helpful barometer for identifying a successful relationship, but it's not the only one; we've all heard of unhappy marriages that last for decades, and some of the same lessons can be learned from a couple that's been together for six months or sixty years.

The key here is not to dwell on the relationships around you that are negative, but to focus on the successful ones. Not only could it potentially teach you a few lessons, it just might leave you feeling more positive about relationships in general. Best of all, it could help you identify a truly great opportunity if – and when – it presents itself.

Online Dating Profile: 3 Reasons No One is Viewing Yours
Tips

Ever wonder why no one is looking at your online dating profile? In the world of e-dating, there are thousands of people from which to choose in your local area. You're a great catch, you're ready to meet someone - but why aren't they clicking? We've put together the top three reasons why you might not be attracting the online attention you think you deserve. Have a read and see if any of these reasons hit home.

Reason #1: No Photo
If you're concerned about privacy or afraid that your co-workers and friends will see you in the midst of your looking for love, maybe you opted to not post a photo. This is one of the prime reasons your profile isn't getting any clicks and likely no messages. People are attracted to people - how they look, first and foremost. All of the other stuff in your profile can make for an interesting person, but you really can't blame people for not clicking through a profile with no photo. If you post a photo, you're going to see the clicks on your profile increase. Need help in selecting one? Ask a friend. Don't have a recent photo? No excuse. Ask a friend, grab a digital camera and get some shots of your mug!

Reason #2: Incomplete Profile
Maybe you've gone the extra step and uploaded a photo. But did you neglect to fill-out the entire online questionnaire for your dating profile? Online dating sites put a lot of thought (and user feedback) into the questions they ask you to answer. If you're not doing your part in filling out your profile, you can't blame your fellow online daters for skipping over your profile. It makes it look as if you're not invested in the process. Set aside an afternoon or an evening and pretend you're IM'ing or chatting with a date and THEY'RE the ones who want you to answer these questions. Be open and honest. Don't sugar coat (but don't be a jerk). Treat the online dating profile questionnaire like a conversation with the date of your dreams. When you invest yourself in the process, it comes across to the people reading it on the other end. And just think - the more complete you are, the better opportunity you have for finding an ideal match. After all, if you fail to mention you have three wonderful children, how much time could you potentially waste by meeting-up with people who don't like kids? That's not fair to you - or them.

Reason #3: Your Activity Level
No, we don't mean how many miles you run on any given day. We mean the last time you logged in to the online dating website. Many sites like Match.com give users the ability to search for matches based on most recent activity or when their last login was. If you're only popping into the site once a week, you're doing yourself a disservice. Granted, it's easy to avoid the actual online interface of most dating sites since you can get your messages and notifications via email. But do yourself a favor: pop into the online dating site of your choice every day or two and if nothing else, purge your inbox or run a search. It takes two minutes and it puts you back up at the top of the pile when users choose to search by activity level. It's likely something you never thought to consider if you noticed your profile isn't getting clicks or emails, but try it if you've been playing hooking from the website. It just might work!

Spring Dating: Ideas to Kickstart the Season

Get your spring dating routine into full bloom! The weather is finally looking up, the snow is melting and the time is right for you and that special someone to kick down the front door, put the top down and head outside. We've got some essential ideas for spring dating sure to put a smile on your face as the days get a little bit longer and the sun shines a bit brighter each and every day.

Cruise the Mountains or Beach
More sun and blue skies mean it's the perfect time to hop in the car and head for the coast or hills. Plan a mid-day trip so you take advantage of the warmest part of the day and pack a lunch or plan a stop along the way for snacks. There's plenty of opportunity to dip your toes in the sand even if the water is too cold and breathe the crisp mountain air before the scorching summer comes along.

Get Parked!
Your local park is the ideal spring dating destination - it's convenient AND free! Whether you're up for a game of Frisbee or catch or simply want to plant yourselves on a blanket and take in the sun, we're betting there's a park near you that can offer you a wonderful afternoon of recreation and relaxation - whatever suits your fancy.

Smell the Roses
Most major cities have a botanical garden and spring is definitely the right time to catch all of the flowers in bloom. Plan an afternoon and schedule a leisurely stroll through one of these wonders of nature in your area. Many have educational programs, how-to classes and seminars that can not only add to the richness of your day but allow you and your special someone to explore something new together in the great outdoors.