HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW MANY DECISIONS YOU MAKE TO PLEASE OTHERS?
Live for yourself! .... not for others ...It's time to open your eyes and realize that while youworry about what others think your life is happening.Who is controlling your choices? Could it be that you are livinga lie to meet expectations that are not even yours?Life can be compared to an artist painting a picture—imagine that instead of using the colors you love, you decide to use onlythose that please the public...The result is a work that does not represent who you are ...Kishimi and Koga claim that many of us do this daily.we try to color our lives with tones that we did not choose,moved by the desire for approval.But what if you could paint with your own colors evenif it means making some people uncomfortable?Have you stopped to think that many of the problems you face inlife happens because you give too much importance to what others think?It's like your happiness is trapped in that need to be liked.This is the main point that Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitaka Koga explore in their book The Courage Not to Be Pleased... The duo shows how our inner concerns are always connected to theoutside world.There is no problem that is completely yours.the shadows of other people's opinions are always presentThey maintain that life is not as complicated as it seems.It is we who create these knots.many times without realizing it.the secret to having the courage to be rejected.So true freedom lies in understanding.that you do not need to be loved or accepted by everyone…no It is the lack of confidence that holds you back! It is the lack of courage...when you embrace the courage to be rejected, your life changes in animpressive way.your relationships become lighter and the constant search forapproval is replaced by a feeling of relief.It is as if you finally took a heavy backpack off your back.We will explore the most powerful ideas in the book.such as the psychology of unhappiness. the dangers of seekingexternal approval and, of course, the ways to live more authentically. The authors' vision is based on the theories of psychologist Alfred Adler, who had a fascinating perspective on the human being. For Adler, we are a unified whole.Our body, mind, thoughts, and emotions work together.in search of a goal.even if we are not fully aware of it.These goals, according to him, not only influence our happiness but also define who we are.Kishimi and Koga develop this idea brilliantly. They explain that Adler did not believe in fixed personality traits; instead,He saw lifestyle as an ongoing choice.It is as if your habits, thoughts, and emotions aretools that you choose to use to reach a certain goal.for example. Someone who seems antisocial is not really.That behavior is actually a way of seeking something.specific.the authors go even deeper, showing that even ourEmotions are shaped by the goals we set.First you decide what you want, then you create theemotions needed to get there.It seems strange... imagine someone who wants a job so badly.but gets so anxious about the interview that he can’t evenprepare properly or even decide not to go…At first glance it seems like anxiety is the problem.but according to Kishimi and Koga, the real goal ofThat person could be to avoid the situation altogether….that looking inward.That courage to change your perception of yourself and othersis what can transform the way you face life.It’s not easy. But who said it would be?The important thing is that happiness is within your reach as long as you are willing to rewrite your story with courage and authenticity.The interview is that moment that for many triggers an almost automatic feeling of fear….But notice something curious.The person’s goal is not always really to get the job.Most of the time they just want to avoid the discomfort of failing.in the process...This fear ends up becoming a fuel.Although somewhat contradictory.To overcome the challenge, Kishimi and Koga address this topic in a fascinating way and go further.They argue that difficult experiences from the past do not have the power to determine who we are or how happy we can be…their central idea is that trauma is not the villain that traps us in a life of unhappiness…It is true that painful events can shape ourperspectives and even influence our dreams.But in the end it is we who choose the meaning.we give to those experiences.For them, trauma is not a sentence but a point.From the start, what really matters is how we decide to move forward.How we create new purposes and set goals thatgive meaning to our lives here and now...and if we are the ones who control happiness?Why do so many people live trapped in unhappiness?For Kishimi and Koga This is not so paradoxical.What does unhappiness look like?According to them, it can be an unconscious strategy.that some people use to achieve something.Maybe attention or control over a situation.We all face moments of sadness or frustration, but whenthis becomes a pattern that is generally related topoorly defined goals.especially in interpersonal relationships.The authors emphasize that the way you relate to others has an enormous weight on your happiness.And here the crucial question arises.What are you really looking for in your relationships?If your goal is only to please others and win their approval, you could be heading directly towards unhappiness.On the other hand, if the goal is to make a positive or genuine impactthe story changes completely.Kishimi and Koga point out that many unhappy people live with the purpose of winning the approval of others.They believe that if they are admired or accepted, they will finally be happy.But this search for validation is treacherous. It traps us in a cycle oftrying to meet the expectations of others, leaving aside who wereally are. In the end, we end up living a life that does not belong to us.But why do we seek this validation so much?The authors suggest that this comes largely from an educational system that conditions us from a young age to operate under a reward and punishmentscheme. We are taught to seek approval to avoid rejection, and this habit extends to adulthood. The problem is that even when we achieve the much-desired validation, it has a high cost... our freedom! Living to please others means giving up authenticity and autonomy, and this makes us prisoners of a cycle of insecurity and focusing on building true connections and finding happiness within ourselves without depending on the gaze or opinion of anyone else. The answer is in how we decide to live... if from now on with the courage to be who we are without asking permission to be happy... true freedom only arises when we stop living to please others.
As long as we worry about what others think, we fearrejection and become obsessed with gaining recognition by sacrificingour authenticity.In other words, we are imprisoned.When someone praises us, what really happens is that we acceptanother person’s judgment as valid as a measure of what is good orbad.But in that case, who defines what is worthwhile or not…Is it us!If the goal of our life is to please others, we end up shaping our existence according to the standards of others, leaving aside our freedom.The problem with seeking approval goes beyond being just an ungrateful goal.Kashim and Koga point out that this search is often simply impossible… Why?Because pleasing someone depends on expectations that are completely out of our control.No matter how hard you try, there will always be people who don’t like you or who simply won’t be satisfied.when you realize that it is impossible to please everyone...You may be tempted to give up completely.This seems liberating at first glance. But Kashim and Koga explain that instead of finding peace, many people fill themselves with negative feelings such as fear and self-loathing to justify this giving up. Even if they stop trying to please, they remain emotionally tied to the desire forapproval. The result is a cycle of frustration and dissatisfaction that feedsback on itself...this frustration deepens the pain because the person continues tofeel the weight of not achieving what they have actually decided to abandon.many times the belief arises that there is something wrong with them, something that makes themunworthy of being loved or appreciated.This thought creates a protective shield but also a prison. By clinging to this limiting idea, you avoid the risk of trying and failing. Again, the search for external approval mayseem harmless. But Kashim and Koga warn us that it corrodes much more than self-esteem...It damages the ability to build genuine relationships. This happens because by living under this logic, unhappy people see the world asa constant competition...In the end they end up isolating themselves, trapped in a narrative that they themselves created where they are never good enough.But they also don't dare to be free...Some people see the success of others as a threat, almost as if someone else's success diminished their own value.This happens because from a young age we learn that approvalis almost always conditional...some value you for your sense of humor...others for your generosity.and there are those who appreciate your professional merits.the problem is that meeting all these expectations at the same time issimply impossible. There will always be someone who stands out more.receives more praise, and that gives the impression that you are left behind.Kashim and Koga explain that this incessant search forApproval is like a zero-sum game. If one wins, another has to lose…The result of this is a life that becomes a competition. thehappiness of others becomes a cause of discomfort, and the failures of others become sources of relief or even celebration…but in this scenario it is impossible to build authentic relationships. It is as if everything revolved around who is winning…According to Kashim and Koga, true freedom arises when we stop seeing life as a race and accept that we do not need to be ahead of anyone to be happy.another serious problem with seeking approval is that it creates adistorted vision of relationships. unhappy people tend to believe thatEvery bond demands sacrifice.They do something for others, expecting almost demanding.something in return…and therein lies the danger when expectations are not metresentment arises.Kashim and Koga argue that these people who spend so much time trying to please end upfeeling unfairly treated when they do not receive the recognition theyexpected. Think of a common situation…Someone organizes a surprise birthday party for a friend but then feels hurt because that friend does not reciprocate with the same effort. In this case, the generous act becomes a bargaining chip and not a genuine gesture…This creates a toxic dynamic where the people involved feelthe pressure to reciprocate or bear the weight of resentment.But then… what is the alternative?How to escape this cycle of competition and resentment?Kashim and Koga have a simple but powerful answer!Instead of seeking approval, focus on genuinely helping others…True joy, according to them, comes from believing that you make a difference in people's lives without expecting anything in return…Happy people aren't worried about what others think.of them because they find satisfaction in knowing that they have been helpful.The authors suggest that you should decide what it means to be helpful to you without allowing external expectations to dictate what is important…when you discover what really matters, everything else seemsirrelevant Even if you comply with the demands of others, if you don’t feel that you are being truly useful, you will still be unhappy.for Kashim and Koga whoever feels that he is contributing does notneed applause or recognition that that person already has the certainty that he is doing something valuable. In other words, the insatiable desire to be recognized is a sign that self-acceptance and a true sense of belonging are still lacking. The key to a lighter and happier life is to let go of the need to please and hug the power of contributing to something bigger.Have you stopped to think about helping others?It can be one of the most gratifying things we do for ourselves..That’s right... happy people have already figured it out for them reaching out.to someone it’s not about sacrifice or pure altruism; it’s because it just makes them feel good.It may sound selfish, but as Kashim and Koga point out, it’sokay to seek our own happiness through good deeds in the endto serve without expecting anything in return; it’s one of the greatest demonstrations ofemotional freedom, and you know what’s interesting? That desire to help.driven by the joy it provides is much morepowerful fuel than doing something just to look good or seeking approval…When you try to fit into standards or make sacrifices solely to be admired, you’re putting yourself in an endless race.but helping out of pure satisfaction is liberating because it comes from the heart, not from the need for validation.Now here comes an incredible point.We can all find happiness simply by realizing the impact we have by existing.It seems simple, right, but it’s a powerful truth.we humans have this natural ability toconnect, to care about others, and just being there by someone’s side is enough to bring joy; you don’t needgrandiose acts or extraordinary achievements.According to Kashim and Koga, happy people believe in the innate value of everyhuman being. They understand that no one needs to be perfect or successful to have value. That is why they manage to accept themselves with mistakes, failures, and all, and feel good about themselves. In addition, while manyPeople see the success of others as a threat; happy people see it as inspiration.For them, life is not a competition. They celebrate the triumphs ofothers without feeling that it diminishes who they are.This mentality arises from the fact that they believe that everyone has something.unique to offer simply by being present in the world, and there are more happy people who have a special talent for living in the present they knowthat happiness is not on some distant mountaintop waiting to bereached…no!!…It’s here in the journey in the little things of the present.of course this doesn’t mean giving up on your goals but finding purpose andjoy as you move towards them in the end if life were to end suddenly whatmatters is whether you lived it with meaning, not if you reached anyspecific destination…the greatest lesson that Kashim and Koga leave us is brutallyhonest...No matter what you do, some people are not going to love you, and it’s okay.to accept that reality. It’s liberating. True happiness comes whenYou let go of the need for approval and find the courage to be yourself without fear of rejection.That’s what gives meaning to life.Living authentically true to who you really are...I want to tell you something that maybe no one has really told you: what you just did, staying until the end, is rarer thanit seems in a world where everything goes so fast where we skip thingsjust because. and you chose to stay read and in acertain way to share this moment with me...There was a traveler who lost on adeserted road found an old man sitting inthe shade of a tired tree he asked him what is the secret tofinding my way, the old man with a serene smile answered, The answer is not in the destination but in who you become as you walk by staying here. You are in that process oftransforming yourself, questioning yourself, paintingyour life with your own colors, this connection that we create even from aDistance is what motivates me and matters because I know that on theother side there is someone willing to take the next step. Thank you for that.for believing that the time invested in yourself is never lost!!Now I want to make you a special invitation if somethingyou read here resonated with you if some idea lit a sparkTake it with you. Share it. It doesn't have to be with everyone, just with thatperson you think also deserves to start painting their life with their own colors and remember the value of who you are does not depend on anyone's approval; you are enough and valuable just the way you are.Keep walking with courage and authenticity. You are not alone, andContinue your journey of self-knowledge and search for wisdom.